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Question
Posted by: Kay kay | 2011/09/19

Laying about finances

I''ve been leaving with my partner for about 9 months now, when we moved together we wanted to buy joint property, due to his bad credit record, I ended up buying the property on my own. I asked him to pay off all his debts, so as to buy a bigger place where we both can own it, he agreed, I just discovered he has incurred more debts,credit card &  store card, from the when we wanted to buy a house, when I ask him, he say he need to look after his family(his parents &  siblings). While I look after my family (our baby &  us). Is it fair for him, wanting take care of his family, while we have our own family, which at the end he end up neglecting, because he wants to look after his family. Please help
Will I be wrong to continue with lobola, I can for forsee me paying for his debts in the future.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You'd be wise not to ever buy property or indeed anything else, assuming debts and sharing ownership with a guy so clueless, feckless and irresponsible about money and debt. What on earth did he consider to vital for his life, that he had to keep buying stuff when already in debt and supposedlty paying off the old debts ?
Its nice for anyone to want to financially help their family, but this should NOT be done by going into debt, and not in preference to what he owes to you and his own child.
Marrying such a man, who is clearly not committed to properl;y caering for you and your child as any priority in his life, would not be at all wise. And it WOULD be wise to get a court order from Maintenance Court requiring him at least to pay maintenance for his child, and I think any sensible court would see that as having to take priority over anything he might donate to his family of origin. He shows not committment to you or the child, and seems to expect you to pay for yourself, the child AND him, and even to share ownership, so he gets possessions for nothing. Bad idea

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/20

You'd be wise not to ever buy property or indeed anything else, assuming debts and sharing ownership with a guy so clueless, feckless and irresponsible about money and debt. What on earth did he consider to vital for his life, that he had to keep buying stuff when already in debt and supposedlty paying off the old debts ?
Its nice for anyone to want to financially help their family, but this should NOT be done by going into debt, and not in preference to what he owes to you and his own child.
Marrying such a man, who is clearly not committed to properl;y caering for you and your child as any priority in his life, would not be at all wise. And it WOULD be wise to get a court order from Maintenance Court requiring him at least to pay maintenance for his child, and I think any sensible court would see that as having to take priority over anything he might donate to his family of origin. He shows not committment to you or the child, and seems to expect you to pay for yourself, the child AND him, and even to share ownership, so he gets possessions for nothing. Bad idea

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Regular | 2011/09/19

He has told you outright he is more committed to his family than to you and the baby. You do not have a relationship but only a contract to provide him with free accomodation and benifits with you obtaining nothing in return - not even respect!
Kick him out and legally obtain child support 4 the child. lf he has money left after paying maintenance and his own living expenses he can then support as many spongers as he likes..............

Reply to Regular
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/09/19

How did you enter into a property purchase and have a baby with this guy without these problems being addressed first? This is what happens when 2 people move too fast in a relationship without knowing each other well enough!
Obviously a marriage cannot go ahead until this is sorted.
In the meantime ensure a court order is obtained for child maintenance.If he does not agree to some kind of relationship counceling this relationship is probably doomed.

Reply to Obvious

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