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Question
Posted by: dw | 2011-06-09

lacking in intimacy

Hi. I am seeing a psychologist for my problem below but want to know what others think. I met a guy 8 months ago and we went straight into a relationship, therefore no intimacy (connection) was formed before hand. The last couple of months, I battle to self-disclose to him as he has used some stuff I have told him in the past against me. Now all we talk about is small talk, his work, my work. Nothing of substance. I feel brain dead. The problem is that I have 2 guy friends who I have been friends with for about 2 years and we talk about everything, nothing barred. I feel a connection with both of them and we can talk for hours at a time. I will never cross the boundary with either of them as I am involved. But I do compare my friendship with them to my relationship with my bf. Do you think intimacy can still be built between my bf and I? If so, how do I go about it as I am scared that the things about myself that I tell him, he will hold against me again. Thanks in advance.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Someone who uses against you, something you told them privately, is no friend, and certainly no lover. It sounds as though you plunged into intimacy with this person without knowing them well enough. Why SHOULD you self-disclose to such a person you can't trust ?
Its the relationship that may be brain dead, not you. Why are you so focussed on this inarticulate and untrustworthy guy as though he was your only option as bf ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-06-09

Someone who uses against you, something you told them privately, is no friend, and certainly no lover. It sounds as though you plunged into intimacy with this person without knowing them well enough. Why SHOULD you self-disclose to such a person you can't trust ?
Its the relationship that may be brain dead, not you. Why are you so focussed on this inarticulate and untrustworthy guy as though he was your only option as bf ?

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