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Question
Posted by: Mr Empty | 2011/03/23

Lacking emotion

This is not about " someone I know"  or " a friend of mine" , its about me.
I find that if someone annoys me personally with a hurtful remark or thoughtless action, or does something to my family that I consider nasty, unfair or hurtful, I bear a grudge towards that person to the extent that I really dislike them with a passionl I can''t seem to just let it be. I wish them some harm or bad luck.
Should harm or bad luck befall the individual, I feel satisfied and think " Nice work"  I seem to lack compassion as far as humans are concerned. Yet when it comes to animals I am a complete hopeless case regards compassion to the extent I get tearful.

I also tend not to let a thing go if I believe that I am right and have to keep on expresssing my point, finding documentation and go to all sorts of lengths to prove I am right. I know this does annoy those who may have disagreed with me. I would not be posting this if it was not of concern. I will appreciate some feedback from you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, you show a good ability to recognize unhelpful habits or traits in yourself, which is the essential first stage to improving on the situation. It sounds as though your reactions may be excessive, beyond what would be the most helpful or appropriate response to the behaviour of others, especially if they have been careless or thoughtless, rather than malicious.
It also sounds as though you may go beyond the commendable stage of standing up for yourself, towards being rigid, unprepared to face the fact that like any of us you might on occasion, be wrong ; and to be feeling unduly threatened by accepting that probability ( of ocasionally being wrong about something ).
These are personality traits, somewhat exaggerated to some extent, which, if you wisely would wish to modify them, should do well with psychotherapy, especially of the CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy form.
Except where the issues and individuals are unavoidably important to you, rather like the 'erase" option discussed by other readers, simply respond as one does when you discover that a TV film you tuned to is boring or irritating - change the channel

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lola | 2011/03/28

I guess am not an alien or a Satanist or even Lucifer’ s unclaimed child, for having such thoughts (though most people would tell you am an angel as am in their corner). If someone does me wrong  I wish them, their family, whoever is important to them extreme pain ever known to mankind. I erase them from my list of people I know, I walk pass them even they have forgotten or they have “ moved”  on from it. If I see a bad accident with blood, I imagine it is them and the worst has finally happen. If someone talks about them and sings their praise I feel my stomach twitching. This is so bad as people would hurt my friends or my sibling and am the one who is left bearing the grudge while their now happily getting along...
I have also made an effort, to ask myself, is this battle? Can I stand to be on opposite sides of the coin with this person? If the answer is NO, I switch off  it is not mine to worry about. The only thing I still cannot tolerate is anyone messing with my child, then I charge like a raging bull on cheap drugs, no one messes with my child`s wellbeing PERIOD, I do not care who you are!
However, I get very embarrassed if someone asks for forgiveness, I feel like running away. I cannot handle the nasty thoughts and the anger. 90% of the time I accept the apology (not a snotty apology), I sincerely accept it. I just hate people who feel they can do you wrong and expect you to just brush it off without them owning up to their wrong doings...
Nice to know am not alone, or am? I might be an extreme case! I have always thought of myself as a passionate person, with me there is no middle ground, love is extreme and hate is extreme.

Reply to Lola
Posted by: Mr Empty | 2011/03/24

Thank you so much CS, Leez and QQ for your insightful feedback. I am pleased I am not entirely alone ! I will have to pull myself towards myself and be more aware of allowing non entities to upset my balance, something I achieved some time ago but seem to have forgotten how to deal with it. I will also have to curb my tendency to prove I am right all the time instead of leaving it for more serious issues. Thanks once again.

Reply to Mr Empty
Posted by: Leez | 2011/03/24

Well said there QQ. Agree especially with your statement " erase"  insignificant people. That''s exactly what I did, albeit family - the constant hurt was just not worth it, especially in light of my kids. Washed my hands off them and walked away. Much happier and good things are coming my way!

Reply to Leez
Posted by: QQ | 2011/03/24

Yes, I can associate with this as well, like Leez.
The older I get though, the more mellow I seem to get.
I have learned one thing that helped, before I get involved in anything at all whether it is a question or opinion I have been asked or even overhearing something and wishing to comment, i ask myself....DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH ME?
I give is a couple of seconds and if the answer is " NO" , I simply ignore it.
As far as your sentence " I wish them some harm or bad luck."  Just realise that it is not necesasary to put this responsibility on yourself. THE WHEEL TURNS. It is in the hands of fate and believe you me, the wheel does turmn. So, don''t wish anyone anything bad, just sit back, relax and watch the wheel.....
If you " erase"  insignificant people and people that hurt you or your loved ones from your live/lives they cannot hurt you again. So, it is not a matter of holding a grudge or disliking someone, it is a matter rather of safeguarding yourself against being hurt by these people again.
They are unimportant, do not waste time thinking about them, carry on and surround yourself with people that make you feel nice....and animals ofcourse, they remain a man''s best friend as theyask for nothing and give everything.

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Leez | 2011/03/24

Reading your post, my eyes widened in amazement.....it could very well have been me posting this. Yes, I am exactly the same - in every aspect as you have described. I suppose it has to do with our level of sensitivity, but of course, I''m no expert. Let''s hear what CS has to say :-)

Reply to Leez
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/24

OK, you show a good ability to recognize unhelpful habits or traits in yourself, which is the essential first stage to improving on the situation. It sounds as though your reactions may be excessive, beyond what would be the most helpful or appropriate response to the behaviour of others, especially if they have been careless or thoughtless, rather than malicious.
It also sounds as though you may go beyond the commendable stage of standing up for yourself, towards being rigid, unprepared to face the fact that like any of us you might on occasion, be wrong ; and to be feeling unduly threatened by accepting that probability ( of ocasionally being wrong about something ).
These are personality traits, somewhat exaggerated to some extent, which, if you wisely would wish to modify them, should do well with psychotherapy, especially of the CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy form.
Except where the issues and individuals are unavoidably important to you, rather like the 'erase" option discussed by other readers, simply respond as one does when you discover that a TV film you tuned to is boring or irritating - change the channel

Reply to cybershrink

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