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Question
Posted by: OOPSY | 2011/04/07

Kids

hi.

My husband and i are currently expecting our first child. Before we got married we both agreed that we did not want children, this one was an accident. That being said please know that we do both love and want this baby.

However, I planned on being sterilised immediately after giving birth (C-Section) to prevent any more unplanned pregnancies. Now my husband is adamnat that he wants more children. I do NOT want more than one. I feel kind of tricked as we were not supposed to be having any. We have a really wonderful life together, we both have successful high paying jobs but the hours are long and we spend quite a lot of time apart (he travels quite often). He is 29 and i am 28.

Im not quite sure what is going on with him now as i said he is insisting that we cannot have just one baby that we need to have another, and as my due date gets closer it is becoming more of an issue as i do still plan on being sterilised.

Advice please.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Interesting that your husband, formerly adamant that he didn't want kids, now wants more. Shows how the actuality of expecting progeny changes minds. It is indeed easier to be sterlized as part of a C-section, I suppose. But what if, once you hold the child in your arms, and spend time with her, you DO decide you also want another ?
Is it your understanding that he's now keen on the joys of fatherhood, or is it more that, like some people, he believes its better for a child not to be an only child ( indeed some only children feel that, though apparently studies show it to be broadly advantageous ).
Wouldn't it be wise to see a marriage / couples counsellor together, so as to better understand each other, and at least each feel better about the way the other one feels ?
I understand your view of the job situation, etc.,- have you had direct personal experience of babies and children, to base your decision on the pleasures or otherwise of that aspect of parenthood, or it is mainly a rational, cool, business and life-style decision for you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cv | 2011/04/08

being the onely child doesn''t mean u are going to be lonely. i am the only child. And i wasn''t lonely growing up..... Saying that being the only child is going to make you lonley..bulll....

Reply to cv
Posted by: Gracie | 2011/04/08

No child is an accident! Once you hold that tiny person in your arms you may feel differently. I have one son from my second mariage (my two older sons from my previous marriage are grown up live on their own). My youngest child is very lonely and I often feel guilty that he has to grow up alone (I am 48 and have been sterilised, so no more babies for me!) Anyway the decision is yours to make .... good luck with your baby!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Happiness | 2011/04/07

Maybe its best that you have the baby and not sterilize for at least a year. If you still feel you don''t want another one after that period then you can sterilize.
But I must warn you, there''s something about the kids that is so humbling yet addictive at the same time. So don''t be surprised if you find yourself looking forward to having a second or third one.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/07

Interesting that your husband, formerly adamant that he didn't want kids, now wants more. Shows how the actuality of expecting progeny changes minds. It is indeed easier to be sterlized as part of a C-section, I suppose. But what if, once you hold the child in your arms, and spend time with her, you DO decide you also want another ?
Is it your understanding that he's now keen on the joys of fatherhood, or is it more that, like some people, he believes its better for a child not to be an only child ( indeed some only children feel that, though apparently studies show it to be broadly advantageous ).
Wouldn't it be wise to see a marriage / couples counsellor together, so as to better understand each other, and at least each feel better about the way the other one feels ?
I understand your view of the job situation, etc.,- have you had direct personal experience of babies and children, to base your decision on the pleasures or otherwise of that aspect of parenthood, or it is mainly a rational, cool, business and life-style decision for you ?

Reply to cybershrink

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