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Question
Posted by: Tom | 2011/03/08

Just to share and for advice

A few years ago, I discovered that my wife had an affair with her colleague who was also married. Our relationship went through a tumoltous period until we decided to work things out. Right now we are out of the storm.

Unfortunately, the world is round and I recently learnt through new business contacts that the wife of the colleague who had an affair with my wife recently died of an AIDS related illness. At first, I was over-joyed because because I thought this is how God punished him for infidelity. But then again I thought about mine and my wife''s status. I undergo HIV, BP, diabetes tests every year and I did so late last year. I am ok. Now I am not certain how I could raise the matter with her without seemingly raising the issue of her affair and the fact that her lover''s wife has died. At the same time, I would love her to go for HIV/AIDS tests but the only problem is how to raise this without us going through another mudslinging game.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is it not possible to be frank in a kind and supportive fashion ? She has surely not forgotten the affair, nor assumed that you have removed it entirely from your memory. Isn't it possible to talk with her calmly about the news you have heard through business colleagues, that the wife of that man has died of AIDS ? And ask whether she has had regular HIV testing, out of concern that she might have possibly picked up an HIV infection from him, even though that was some time ago ? You can add that you routinely have HIV testing along with a range of other screening tests, and have remained negative, so she is probably OK, but that obviously it would be wise for her to have some screening done as well ?
Does it really need to involve any mud-slinging at all ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: QQ | 2011/03/08

I agree with Mel. You are going to HAVE to find a way so she gets tested. Even if it means a tiny white lie. It is after all for both your benefit and I also understand that you do not want the past brought up.

I am sure it was difficult enough to put the affair behind you and to know scratch open those wounds will not be a good thing.

Good for you for working through the affair though!!

Reply to QQ
Posted by: MEL | 2011/03/08

I know it may sound wrong but tell her it''s for your medical aid or life insurance, that they requested it??

Reply to MEL
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/08

Is it not possible to be frank in a kind and supportive fashion ? She has surely not forgotten the affair, nor assumed that you have removed it entirely from your memory. Isn't it possible to talk with her calmly about the news you have heard through business colleagues, that the wife of that man has died of AIDS ? And ask whether she has had regular HIV testing, out of concern that she might have possibly picked up an HIV infection from him, even though that was some time ago ? You can add that you routinely have HIV testing along with a range of other screening tests, and have remained negative, so she is probably OK, but that obviously it would be wise for her to have some screening done as well ?
Does it really need to involve any mud-slinging at all ?

Reply to cybershrink

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