Our expert says:
Unfortunately there is nothing currently available to help with reduced libido but as others have suggested, you could look to change your form of contraception as it may be this that has caused the reduction in your desire. That said, if it the only real safe option you have (check it out with your GP or gynae first), then perhaps you will have to 'drive' your sexual response more (a little like how JR described it in her response to you). You could get a good lubricant from clicks - try astroglide, sylk or Durex's 'Play' rather than KY gel as improving your arousal can help with desire too.
You need to know that the 'hunger' that women feel in the beginning of the relationship often does diminish into the relationship, so a change like this is not uncommon! That said, if there are other factors coming to bear on this new marriage (e.g. adjustment to living together, anxiety around expected roles, changes to dynamics between you and your husband) then this could inhibit your desire too. it may only be at this point, and if you feel obliged to meet your husband's needs, that the rape may come to impact on you - if you feel violated in sex with him it could remind you in a very frightening way of your past trauma...so make sure that you are talking to him and being sexual when you are choosing to be (because you want to be sexual even if you aren't 'hungry for sex'), rather than doing it as a chore.
Finally, if your husband needs help to delay his ejaculation, all he needs to do is to search on the history of this site - this question has been answered many times and so suggestions are available for him too.
I hope that's useful.
Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
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