Posted by: badanile | 2013-02-05

just can''t deal with this!

I am going thru hell....separated 2011 august...we just cud not stand each other hubby complained about my not cooking banking on a nanny for babysitting nd too many frnds....I discovered that hubby is an ex-drug addict,have criminal records and is bipolar......I moved out for the whole year he was threatening divorce which has not taken even a single step up to now
Nw. I have discovered that hubby has a two-month old baby and is staying with another woman (a woman who sends me smses and swears at me)
I find myself in the middle of nowhere I dnt hev guts to initiate divorce since I love my hubby though clearly he has moved on...I feel hurt depressed helpless hevn been to work for the past week....I pray bt I just dnt finish....can anyone advice me on hw to deal with this pain and heartache nogal I am so lonely all I do I go to my pschologist nd come back nd throw myself on a sofa...pls help my kids need a sane mother not what I am now

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Posted by: badanile | 2013-02-05

Thanks guys for the advice and support...yes it looks bleak for now nd all I can do is pray and pray and pray...I will keep u guys postef

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Posted by: @JR | 2013-02-05

Wow JR you are really good with words. I''m speachless that is very well said and i agree 100%

All the best dear and hope everything works out for the best

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Posted by: JR | 2013-02-05

I am so sorry. For now, you go to your psychologist, you cry, you scream and shout - you let the hurt out. You get a journal and you write down every thought. I do suggest though that, no matter how bad you feel, get dressed and go to work. Take the mind off it for a little bit. Just be sure to tell your boss what is going on so that he knows, if you are not yourself.

Keep on praying. Don''t stop doing that, even if the words don''t come, God knows. Some days, all I could say was Oh God, Oh God, Oh God, you know..... and He does. Give it to all to Him.

Realise that this is not going to heal in a day or two. It takes time - lots and lots and lots of time. A year and a half down the line, and I still have days where I wonder, am I completely ok? Should I go back to the counsellor and cry some more?

Do not worry about the woman swearing at you. That is a reflection of her character, not yours, and she does this because she feels guilty and she knows what she is doing is wrong. Ignore her, she will get tired. Whatever you do, don''t swear back. You, react from a platform of love, no matter what. Easier said than done, yes, indeed, but you CAN do it.

If you need it, go to the doctor and get an anti depressant and sleeping tablets. But try and put it in your mind that this is not a permament solution, it''s just to help you get through, and till you feel better.

Spend some time researching meditation, and do it. It is wonderful to bring about peace. If you can get assisted meditaiton cd''s great, that helps a lot in the beginning while you are getting into it, but eventually you will be able to slip away without much effort or concentration at all and do it yourself. This takes a lot of practice, and you must do it regularly.

Then, get yourself some interests outside of your home and your children. Do something that will self actualise you. Learn to cook, do an art class, learn karate. Whatever. Come out of your comfort zone and stretch yourself. Friends are great, rely on them, but spend a lot of time alone too, in prayer and meditation.

I know it is very bleak now, but the day will come when there are no more tears, and you are tired of being tired all the time. Build your strength so that when the time comes, you will be able to take the steps you need to. IE. Start the formal divorce proceedings - but wait with that till you are stronger.

All the best
I am here any time you want to talk.

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