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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/01/26

Just asking...

I am a very spontaneous extrovert. I never used to be like this but somehow I changed. Somehow people always come to me for advice and they tell me that the advice i give them is priceless. I act as a mediator, a shoulder to cry on etc and give people advice on their relationships, life in general. I just cant understand why I cant find love myself. I have been single for 3 years now and I am starting to get lonely. I know that this might not be an issue for many but I would like someone in my life that i can share everything with. I am tired of going to functions alone. My only companion for the past 3 years has been my daughter and i feel I need timeout. People tell me wait the right person will come along. Am I wrong to feel this way knowing that there are bigger problems in life.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If someone came to you with exactly the problem you describe - how would youm advise them ? Seriously, think through that assignment.
I'm not sure whether one finds love in the sense of finding one's car-keys, by searching for it ; but rather by serendipity, by putting oneself in situations in which one is more likely to find people one would like to be with, and vice versa. Its not about waiting for the right guy to some and knock on the door, but socially, in work and hobbies / pastimes, meeting with a range of the sort of people who have similar inetrests to yours, and forming light friendships with more people.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Les | 2010/01/26

Funny how people who are single long for a mate and we who are married/ have mates wants to be single. I' m married to a man that now all I want is to be by myself, I need peace of mind. Good luck ladies with finding love, I still believe there' s love out there, decent men who knows how to take care of a woman' s needs. I always go to occasions with him that I long to someday go by myself.

Reply to Les
Posted by: Lisa | 2010/01/26

You know what! I felt the same, met the man, Oh was he wonderful! After the wedding I realize he was just looking for a white maid. Rather be alone again!

Reply to Lisa
Posted by: Bongi | 2010/01/26

I feel the same way my dear. I even spoke to a therapist who told me about hobbies and keeping myself busy. But really - I am busy enough, I just want someone to love and who can love me back. People say you need to find yourself and learn to love yourself yada yada yada...I love myself, I know myself. Knowing that I would like to be in love is part of knowing myself.

After all the hobbies are done, I would like to go home to someone special. And I would like to be special to soemone too. If you tell me that I shoud learn to fulfil myself I will scream coz there are things that I JUST CANNOT get from myself - going out alone is only fun to a certain point. Anyway - I am not giving up on love just yet. Someday.

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/26

If someone came to you with exactly the problem you describe - how would youm advise them ? Seriously, think through that assignment.
I'm not sure whether one finds love in the sense of finding one's car-keys, by searching for it ; but rather by serendipity, by putting oneself in situations in which one is more likely to find people one would like to be with, and vice versa. Its not about waiting for the right guy to some and knock on the door, but socially, in work and hobbies / pastimes, meeting with a range of the sort of people who have similar inetrests to yours, and forming light friendships with more people.

Reply to cybershrink

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