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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/11

Just a question

About 3 weeks ago, I experienced an incident, with my business partner (married with children), in my home. We had dinner at a restaurant where we always go, went to my home for another bottle of wine (not strange - we do a lot of business deals at home), he then came into my en-suite bathroom when I was in there and undressed me, kissed me all over and threw me onto the bed with his hands all over. At that point I finally broke free and fled the house. I drove to a friend' s house, stayed the night. Could not talk to him about it. He (my friend), has until today not contacted me - which makes me feel, for the lack of a better word - like a loser, like he does not care either. I have stopped business deals with my (ex) partner, but I am sure he is telling everyone that I am lying. I can not understand that this is bothering me so much, I have fallen into a deep depression. Why is this such a big deal for me? I got out, not a lot of women do. I do see a shrink, but still feel like crying. I still can not openly talk to people about it, almost as if I can' t remember all the details

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Idon't think you're a loser ; more likely that he is. And his not contating you is more likely to be because when he sobered up, he realized what he had done, and feels ashamed of himself, as he should. Dinner is one thing, but going home for more wine may have given him the impression that you wanted or at least were open to far more than wine. That was a really bad idea all round. I understand why Hope* is puzzled by this story.
You say it is not unusual for THEM to be at your home--- yes, THEM, not HIm, alone, drunk, and with more wine, surely ? You may well have led him on, to a point, and it is important for you to recognize this. BUT exactly as you say, NO is ALWAYS NO, and should always be respected as such. And yes, real men should respect that, and are less than men when they don't

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Our users say:
Posted by: Hope* | 2009/05/12

Dear Anonymous. This is a public forum. You asked a question. I answered it. If I feel I dont understand the situation, then I have every right to actually say so. You say that I have fallen into the trap of thinking " what did the woman do?"  If you knew me, my experiences and what I stand for, that comment of yours is completely laughable. I have said what I want to say and will leave it there.

Reply to Hope*
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/12

Dear Hope, the question is not whether you understand the situation - it is, however, that I need to understand why it bothers me so much, seeing as no intercourse took place, against my will or not. To briefly answer your concerns - we were friends long before business partners, so it is nothing strange for them to be at my home, I am far from being a child anymore so I seriously doubt that I am gullible or innocent. But I am a woman, and I do not care for men entering my bathroom and undressing me. The situation might sound ' unusual'  to you, but believe me, there is nothing usual or accepted about having to fight off a grown man. Apologies if I seem rude, it just seems to me that you have fallen into the same trap as so many others around the world - ' what did the woman do wrong? did she provoke the situation? what was she wearing? was she drunk? did she lead him on?'  no matter what the answer to any of the before mentioned questiones - a woman' s NO is still her firm and utter NO. Real men adhere to that.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Hope* | 2009/05/12

Going home after dinner for a glass of wine does make one wonder. I can see how someone could read these actions in a different light as to you own ideas. It is also not in order to take a married man who has three children to your house after dinner. Why couldn' t the business discussions be concluded over dinner which happens more often than not. Did he hold you down to take all you clothes off and kiss you all over? I' m sorry to ask but were you perhaps leading him on and at the last minute decide that you cant go through with it? The situation sounds very unusual. It could perhaps also be that you are an extremely innocent or gullible person to allow the whole evening to end at your home, wine etc. Sorry, I just dont understand.

Reply to Hope*

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