advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/08/11

Jealouy - 4yr old

My baby''s father and I broke up when she was 18months old. She is now 4. 3months ago we got back together again, she is now showing jealous traits. She doesnt like the fact that her dad and I kiss each other goodbye. He cant hug me etc. She even told him that he is not a kid so he cannot sleep next to me. She is used to being the most important person in my life and her dad''s but seperately. She told my sister that I dont love her anymore and my sister explained to her that mommy''s have enough love for baby''s and daddy''s but she doesnt want to understand. How do I deal with this.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So for quite a time, she had you all to herself, exclusively- and now feels she's losing a bit of your love if you show any sign of giving any to anyone else. Interesting ( kids guess at what the rules of life are ) that she sees cuddling and sleeping with someone as a privilege that should be limited to kids.
Its not that she doesn't want to understand - our capacity to understand more complex incepts grows with us, and some types of thinking a really young kid just can't grasp. The idea, for instance, that love is infinite ; that the more love you give away, the more you have left, ; is more sophisticated than she can grasp at this age. To her it's more like a loaf of bread - the more you give him, the less must be left for her.
Purple's points are well made. Maybe plan some activities for the 3 of you, to share things to do and affection too.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2010/08/11

With patience and love.

Perhaps take her to her favourite play park for a milkshake, just the two of you and tell her how much you love her but that mommy''s also love daddy''s too and that its a good thing.
Also tell her that you understand she is upset when you kiss him or hug him, but that even though she feels so upset about it, you are not going to stop doing that, just like you won''t stop kissing and hugging her.

Try to make a point of spending some special time together every day, perhaps a story before bed or playing a game together when you get home, before you start cooking and cleaning and bathing her etc.
Make sure you give her a lot of hugs and comfort and accept she might be a bit clingier than usual until she adjusts.

Tell her how much you love her all the time. Maybe create a special thing with her where you hold your arms in front of you and swing them around as far back as they will go while telling her that is how much you love her, and stretching like you are trying to make the circle bigger with your arms. Tell her that a mommy and a childs love can''t get broken.

If she tries to push you apart from each other when you kiss hello and goodbye or wants to sleep between you, gently tell her its not OK, if she continues, give her " the mommy loook"  - you know the one with your no nonsense face that warns not to push you any further. If she does it again, then take away a toy or TV watching or something else special (we found that at that age, giving a toy time out was often very effective).

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/11

So for quite a time, she had you all to herself, exclusively- and now feels she's losing a bit of your love if you show any sign of giving any to anyone else. Interesting ( kids guess at what the rules of life are ) that she sees cuddling and sleeping with someone as a privilege that should be limited to kids.
Its not that she doesn't want to understand - our capacity to understand more complex incepts grows with us, and some types of thinking a really young kid just can't grasp. The idea, for instance, that love is infinite ; that the more love you give away, the more you have left, ; is more sophisticated than she can grasp at this age. To her it's more like a loaf of bread - the more you give him, the less must be left for her.
Purple's points are well made. Maybe plan some activities for the 3 of you, to share things to do and affection too.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement