Posted by: Sue | 2012-12-10


Re: Post 530. So I really tried to contain my jealousy but when yet again his phone went in the middle of the night I sarcastically blurted out if it was his ex wife again. He went nuts. Said he can''t live like this and that the relationship is over (we''ve been together for 5 very bumpy years). He''s given me 2 chances to sort my jealousy over his ex out and I''ve blown both chances. He refuses to give me another one. Before when I said I needed to speak to a psycologist about it he said he has a problem with that because psycologists are a waste of money and only tell you what you want to hear to make you feel better. So besides my last post to you I havent spoken to anyone about this and have been bottling it up just trying to get help from internet articles. I am also angry because he had major jealousy and possessiveness problems with me over the 5 years and I stuck with him through it but now when I have a jealousy problem because he is back in contact with ex (son is 30 years old) he isn''t prepared to help me with it. 3 strikes and you are out attitude. I need to walk away from this relationship with some dignity. Please advice how to do that because all I want to do is beg and plead with him to stay.

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Our expert says:
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That its been very bumpy years is signiicant. And as generally, nobody normally phones anyone in the middle of the night, or even late at night, unless its a genuine emergency, or the call has been pre-arranged ( but if that later had been the case, he'd surely have found a way to be out of you earshot when it came in ).
But YOU have not stuffed up this relationship : stop blaming yourself ( you do it almost as though this has become a habit ).
Why do you accept his plopy of making this entirely your problem - "YOUR jealousy" ? Someone who is genuinely an ex does not phone at night, even if her homne is on fire.
So he doesn't like psychologists because they'd say anything to make you feel better ? ( inaccurate, of course ) - but he feels its fine for him to say anything to make you feel worse. And his real fear is that a psychologist would help you to see through his brain-washing and recognize his faults.
DO NOT BEG OR PLEAD with him. That's probably make him obscenely happy, but wouldn't achieve anything useful. No need for complex discussions with him. make your own safe plans to walk away and be self-sufficient, and then tell him you're going. Maybe add a forwarding adress for any post that arrives after you leave. And assure him you won't phone him in the middle of the night.
SO he is determined to leave ? Wave goodbye cheerfully and thank your luck. Then change the locks.
See a counsellor for your own good, and work through your bad habit of feeling attached to a guy who isn't worthy of you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: married women | 2012-12-11

@ Sue u r wasting ur time with this man,clearly he still wants his ex wife back. u need to walk away now when u still can.he doesn''t need u in his life ,he is probably using u to make the ex wife jelous.

Reply to married women
Posted by: just Sayi | 2012-12-10

You need to decide what is good for you and clearly this man has ex issues and I dont see the point of them communicating in the middle of the night about their 30 year old adult child, He is selfish and does not care about your feelings , it reminds me of my previous relationship he was so hung up on the ex, I told him to get out of my life and have not looked back ever since, I moved on and is in a stable loving relationship.

Reply to just Sayi
Posted by: Milla | 2012-12-10

Why do want him to stay so badly? You don''t sound very happy or even partially content at this point and neither does he?

There is absolutely no reason for a man to keep in constant contact with his ex-wife when their child is fully grown adult who is capable of contacting either of them all by himself. After spending 5 years with you he should be willing to make a compromise if it makes you uncomfortable.

If he''s unwilling and would rather end your relationship why on earth are you so hooked on him? His main priority is not with you. You are allowing him to treat you with less respect than you deserve, I don''t see anything that could make it worth it.

Reply to Milla
Posted by: Sue | 2012-12-10

I tried to speak to him again this morning and tell him I need help with this. He said he isnt interested in anything I have to say and that he will be leaving asap. So I''ve stuffed up this relationship.

Reply to Sue

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