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Question
Posted by: Gary Ash | 2011/02/17

Jealousy

Hi Doctor,

I am wondering if I am too jealous over my girlfriend? The following is what is going on at the moment.

She is 36 and I am 49 number one to start with.
She want''s to move out as she feels I am not allowing her her space, now this is where my problem starts. She wants to go out with suposed mail friends. I can accept this however what she has done to me on two occasions so far.

One evening she asked me to give her work coleges a lift home while she stayed at the pub we were at. When I got back there she had left with another guy. She got home arround 02:00 in the morning, my reaction was rage we faught terrably and she reconed nothing happend they just spoke from 23:00 until she came home.

Last week we were at the same pub and after a few drinks she yet again left with another guy and this time she only got home ayt 10 o''clock the next morning. This time she said she went to a 21st party with this guy, She also said she slept on a been bag ALONE. How does one not become jealous?

Oh on both occasions she said they were her friends.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

One of the often overlooked problems about relationships which form between people in their 30's and 40's, if they haven't been in a close live-in relationship before, or at least not for some time, is that they are set in their ways of being single and independent and unwilling to make the essential compromises required to live together happilly.
But there's no point in being single, but together.
There is no sincere relationship between you if she insists on going out late into the night with her male friends - people in relationships don't do that. Her excuses are feeble and unconvincing - if you're in a proper relationship, neither she not you wander off with others whether to a party or for "conversation". If she gets invited to a party, she tells her "friends' that she is in a relationship with you, and either you BOTh go to the party, or neither of you. And what is a woman of 36 doing at a 21st birthday party of someone she doesn't know very well, someone almost young enough to be her daughter ?
She sounds like an aging juvenile, with no respect for herself or you, and likely to bring you continuing grief. Rather end the relationship and move on to someone actually interested in you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011/02/18

I think she must have been the unknown lady (unicorn) who keeps showing up so late at the swinger parties with these guys who trying to get in but can only with another lady. Sorry my friend, she is playing you.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Me | 2011/02/18

Yeah maybe you should leave her and find a decent woman who is ready to grow and commit. At 36 and she is busy running around like a 17yrs old? Does she even think that at some stage a woman needs to become a wife and a mother? Tjo, she really does not have any respect for herself and for you...

Reply to Me
Posted by: Just a thought........... | 2011/02/17

Maybe she can only commit to men who can spell.

Reply to Just a thought...........
Posted by: MEL | 2011/02/17

LMAO afrikaans people have this saying- slap slet-

She is manipulating you and you are falling for it!

Yeah she went to a 21st- right maybe her guy number 21...

Reply to MEL
Posted by: Phil | 2011/02/17

My friend  open ur eyes.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Lolo | 2011/02/17

I suggest you leave her, B4 u a infected ka di STD and and.......
She doent respect herself, ke sefebe

Reply to Lolo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/17

One of the often overlooked problems about relationships which form between people in their 30's and 40's, if they haven't been in a close live-in relationship before, or at least not for some time, is that they are set in their ways of being single and independent and unwilling to make the essential compromises required to live together happilly.
But there's no point in being single, but together.
There is no sincere relationship between you if she insists on going out late into the night with her male friends - people in relationships don't do that. Her excuses are feeble and unconvincing - if you're in a proper relationship, neither she not you wander off with others whether to a party or for "conversation". If she gets invited to a party, she tells her "friends' that she is in a relationship with you, and either you BOTh go to the party, or neither of you. And what is a woman of 36 doing at a 21st birthday party of someone she doesn't know very well, someone almost young enough to be her daughter ?
She sounds like an aging juvenile, with no respect for herself or you, and likely to bring you continuing grief. Rather end the relationship and move on to someone actually interested in you

Reply to cybershrink

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