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Question
Posted by: Amanda | 2011/09/19

Jealous but WHY???

I am so jealous of this girl I know. She is becoming very successful in her field (which is the field that I wanted to go in, but I didn’ t meet criteria)  she’ s pretty and is popular. I have just started a new job which I love, I’ m not as pretty as her but I’ m not ugly and granted I’ m not as popular as her (although she’ s probably just popular because of her looks) but I have my family that I am very close with (I party with my sisters and cousins all the time). I don’ t know why I am so jealous of her- I’ m married to a wonderful man (while I know her boyfriend knocked her over with his car purposely and she stayed with him), I don’ t have the mental issues she does (she is a real psycho) and I am genuinely a nice person (while she is really nasty). I have known her for 8 years- I wouldn’ t say we were ever friends but I did a lot of favours for her while we were staying nearby each other (I tried to be her friend). I just don’ t understand why I can’ t be an adult and just accept my life is my life, and her life is her life. I suppose it’ s because she looks like she’ s living life to the fullest (she’ s currently in Thailand) and I’ m stuck in this country, no money to travel (I have a bit of debt- I bought a crappy car that ended up costing me 3 times in repairs than the actual price of the car) and it looks like life has handed her a key to all the opportunities in the world (while I got handed a key to only a few). What on earth is wrong with me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's no reason why you can't be popular (though being popular is often not as terrific as you assume it will be, when you think you're not popular), Popularity based on looks is shallow and superficial and doesn't actually count for much (none of those pals would rush round in the middle of the night if she were sick) And if she is nasty, maybe people pretend to like her because they're scared of her, but who would be dumb enough to like someone like her ?

Also, of course, her looks will fade, whereas your pleasant apearance and personality can last much longer.

Its fascinating to wonder what you find to feel jealous about a woman who does NOT have a great husband like you, and who has instead someone who deliberately ran her over ?

Sounds like she works awfully hard to make it look as though she's having a great time. That's sad.

Do invest in seeing a counsellor, preferably one using the CBT method, to get your thinking right, to learn how to enjoy all that you do have, rather than ignoring all that to pine for what she SEEMS to have.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2011/09/19

The jealousy and comparing yourself to others has become a bad habit. And bad habits like these can be changed by CBT-style therapy (Cognitive behavior therapy). If you don''t know of a CBT counselor close to where you stay, contact the Depression and Anxiety group helpline (the number is at the top of the page).

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/19

There's no reason why you can't be popular (though being popular is often not as terrific as you assume it will be, when you think you're not popular), Popularity based on looks is shallow and superficial and doesn't actually count for much (none of those pals would rush round in the middle of the night if she were sick) And if she is nasty, maybe people pretend to like her because they're scared of her, but who would be dumb enough to like someone like her ?

Also, of course, her looks will fade, whereas your pleasant apearance and personality can last much longer.

Its fascinating to wonder what you find to feel jealous about a woman who does NOT have a great husband like you, and who has instead someone who deliberately ran her over ?

Sounds like she works awfully hard to make it look as though she's having a great time. That's sad.

Do invest in seeing a counsellor, preferably one using the CBT method, to get your thinking right, to learn how to enjoy all that you do have, rather than ignoring all that to pine for what she SEEMS to have.

Reply to cybershrink

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