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Question
Posted by: Moedverloor. | 2011-01-23

Jaloers op my dogter (6)

Hoop u kan Afrikaans verstaan want my Engels is als behalwe goed.

Eers dit, ek was aangeneem as 6 jarige en het hel gehad. Is baie geslaan, gevloek, gemolesteer en gebrainwash. Ek moes doen wat ek gese is of anders . . .

My dogter is nou 6. Sy maak my ontsettend maklik kwaad. Veral as sy weier om te luister of doen wat ek vra. Sy het ''n baie lekker lewe, almal doen alles vir haar. Veral haar pa. Hy vermy ''n gegillery deur haar haar sin te gee. Altyd. Hy sal ook uit sy pad gaan om as ek hom iets vra, dit nie te doen nie, of te doen as ek hom vra om dit nie te doen nie. Hy is ''n wonderlike man en ek is baie lief vir hom, maar soms is ek lus om die tweetjies te los dat hy kan sien wat hy gecreate het want ek is die een wat meeste van die tyd met haar sit.

Moet my nie verkeerd verstaan nie, ek is baie lief vir haar soos ''n ma moet wees, maar ek is baie jaloers dat sy so goeie lewe het terwyl ek net die teenoorgestelde lewe moes verduur.

Ek voel hulpeloos. Sy luister nie, wil nie leer nie, kan nie konsentreer nie en is sommer net baie lief vir haarself. Sy is absoluut beeldskoon en kan nie verby iets loop wat haar image weerspieel nie. Spieels, vensters, ens.

As ek so kwaad word wil ek net my kop hard teen iets stamp om van die woede en gedagtes van geweld in my kop ontslae te raak. Ek is lank reeds bang dat ek dit gaan verloor . . .

Dankie vir u tyd.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously you endured a tough and unpleasant time during childhood ; and your daughter cannot appreciate how much better her experiences are. It would be wise for you to see a therapist / experienced counsellor, to work through your experiences and how they have affected you, for your benefit and the benefit of your family. It may upset you at times to find yourself nearly tempted to try to dominate her the way it happened to you when you were a child.
And discus this with your husband - all parents need to be cautious about no spoiling their child, and it is important for her to grow up capable of looking after herself as well as sharing normal household chores. And he needs to understand that it is important for both parents to be united and in agreement about simple rules and expectations from a child, and that providing no rules and strucure is as abusive as providing too many. Maybe some marriage counselling is needed to make sure he understands and that the pair of you can comfortably work together on this. From the sound of it, he is creating a selfish, spoiled child who will not be prepared to lead a life happy for her or others.
Its rather sad that she is a pretty kid - children fed the false belief that being beautiful ( which is temporary, and a gift from God or nature and not an achievement of their own ) is enough of an excuse to expect others to treat her specially, often end up leading miserable lives.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-01-23

Obviously you endured a tough and unpleasant time during childhood ; and your daughter cannot appreciate how much better her experiences are. It would be wise for you to see a therapist / experienced counsellor, to work through your experiences and how they have affected you, for your benefit and the benefit of your family. It may upset you at times to find yourself nearly tempted to try to dominate her the way it happened to you when you were a child.
And discus this with your husband - all parents need to be cautious about no spoiling their child, and it is important for her to grow up capable of looking after herself as well as sharing normal household chores. And he needs to understand that it is important for both parents to be united and in agreement about simple rules and expectations from a child, and that providing no rules and strucure is as abusive as providing too many. Maybe some marriage counselling is needed to make sure he understands and that the pair of you can comfortably work together on this. From the sound of it, he is creating a selfish, spoiled child who will not be prepared to lead a life happy for her or others.
Its rather sad that she is a pretty kid - children fed the false belief that being beautiful ( which is temporary, and a gift from God or nature and not an achievement of their own ) is enough of an excuse to expect others to treat her specially, often end up leading miserable lives.

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