Posted by: jane | 2009-03-09


i am a jailed by my boyfriend, cant go anywhere cant do anything, he is controling. Threatens me, he calls me names, and embarrasses me in public. i got an interdict against him, he stalks me when i tell him to stay away. the police is not helpful enough i gave up on them. i gave up on the fact that i can get away from this guy cos all my plans are in vain. forget about family cos they are not approachable. he will kill me, i am scared of him. he is so negative about everything and it makes me go mad. manipulation,jealousy and abuse. he just doesnt want to leave me alone. i try to stay away from him but he manages to make me feel scared.pls help im dealing with a maniac.

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Our expert says:
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Its sad that so often the police fail to do what they are paid to do. A man such as you describe is indeed dangerous. There is no other system in society for dealing with such abusive and potentiall lethal men other than the legal. Is it possible to return to the court and report what has been happening and that the police have failed to apply the court's interdict, emphasizing to the court that you genuinely fear for your life ? And, as Fiona says, make sure as many people as possible know he is abusive and that he has been threatening you, and remind him that many people know, so he will picked up if anything happens to you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: jane reply fiona | 2009-03-12

Thanks guys, fiona for your imput. i appreciate your advice,your situation is almost exactly the same as mine. His family want us to get married, but i am not that stupid. i moved from him, but he still calls and make asif nothing is wrong,but i no more answer the phone and just try to keep my distance.apparently his he have a history of abusing his girlfriends. i have feelings for him but it is of feeling sorry for him, and he doesnt really know what is wrong with him. i think they think they' r behaviour is normal because they mustve seen an adult do it.

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Posted by: Get him ! | 2009-03-10

Would' nt it be wonderful if these items, not men, would experience a good dose of bullying by a few real tough hombres, just to feel what its like to have the crap beaten out of them and feel the fear and insecurity you are feeling ? Oh well, who knows hey ? Such a pity that you got involved with it in the first place. I believe that these items always show some signs of this in the early relationship, but its often overlooked because the other party is wearing rose tinted spectacles. In any event, just keep away from him in bed if you are still with him, don' t let him abuse you inb that fashion anymore.

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Posted by: Fiona | 2009-03-09

This was me about 10yrs ago!!! I was engaged to someone like this. He stalked me when I was at work. He would call me every 10 minutes on my direct line to see if I am still at my desk. bottom line is he made me so afraid. I wasn' t even allowed to talk to my family or to visit them anymore. He would verbally abuse me and was constantly under the impression that I had many boyfriends. He would say the most disgusting things to me and called me names as well and embarassed me in public. i always dressed up smartly. he had a problem with this and I had to wear the most dull outfits. I had to stop setting my hair and grew it and just tied it in a pony tail. I had to sop wearing make up as well. He always needed money and if I refused then it became a big issue. At first I was confused and tried to keep the relationship. People tried to make me see what he was doing, but I really thought I was in love. I also feared humiliating my family if I broke off the engagement.

Eventually I couldn' t cope and started thinking about suicide. Then he held a gun to my head and threatened to kill me. God only knows what happened that day, I decided that I had enough. I told him that it was over. He still followed me around and still came home, called me, etc. I went on with my life and told him I was no longer afraid of him and if anything happened to me, everyone will know it was him that did it.

shortly after, I found out I was pregnant. I went to my gynae and when I broke down and told her my situation and how I couldn' t have the child, she told me that I could have an abortion if i wanted. I went to her when my period was 2 days late. She also referred me to a psychologist.I am really pro-life, but you can' t believe the nightmare I was suddenly facing. My family would have made me get married to him. I couldn' t face being beaten up and being put through all the verbal and emotional abuse again. I had the abortion and tried to move. It still haunts me. I feel stupid and angry for going out with such a person and not being intelligent enough to choose a good eprson and &  hate myself for falling pregnant. i then quit work and moved to another city. I struggled to find a job for a few mths &  took part time jobs until I found a permanent one.

But you know what, I am alive today. I am glad I moved and tried to get my life back on track. Girl, please try to get away from him. i know that feeling of fear. I constantly watched my back. I had too many sleepless nights too. He would stand outside my bedroom window for hours at night, to watch what time I went to bed and if I ever got up at night, etc. He would whistle outside my window, throw stones at my window and do all funny stuff. I knew that if i ever looked out of the window he would insist that that was a cue from some boyfriend and that' s why I looked out.

Please make other people aware of what is happening to you. What about his family, have you spoken to them?

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