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Question
Posted by: dw | 2010-06-23

its over?

Hi. I am very confused. There were a few concerns that I had with my bf which I stated to him in an e-mail as it was how I was feeling and if we could work through these issues. He said I was manipulating him and he doesnt want to continue with the relationship?? I am so confused about the whole thing. My concerns were about him going onto internet dating when we were supposed to be together, him looking at other women and telling me how hot they were and him pushing for a 3some and swinging when I was uncomfortable with it. How can this be manipulation? Arent I allowed to have my concerns in a relationship and raise them with my partner without him getting all upset. I am totally distraught about this. Please help. Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe it depends on what you said and how you said it. If it was sensible stuff and expressed kindly and pleasantly, then he's being excsively over-sensitive and precious, and may be much less of a loss than it feels to you right now. Especally as you describe him, and most especially as someone who was pushing for you to take part in a 3-some and swinging you didn't want ( and he doesn't think THAT was manipulative ? ) this all suggests someone highly selfish and uninterested in respecting you and what you want - so you are probably better off without him.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: J | 2010-06-24

Totally agree with Anon - he is manipulating you in the hopes that you''ll be so upset that he''s dumping you that you''ll give in to his demands. You''re better off without him.

Reply to J
Posted by: anon | 2010-06-23

no my dear he is manipulating you.
the things he" s expecting from you are very serious differences should you not feel the same.

im just worried that these ''''concerns"  you mention is something you think you can change in him? im assuming you are against the things he wants, rightly so, if you are in a proper relationship i dont see the need to go there.

he is totally trying to manipulate you, and im wondering if he''s just using your actions(concerns) as an excuse to breakup because he would prefer to be with a more promiscuous partner anyway.

dont second guess yourself.
(if it helps - i dont agree with anything he is expecting from you, especially in a supposedly serious relationship)

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-06-23

Maybe it depends on what you said and how you said it. If it was sensible stuff and expressed kindly and pleasantly, then he's being excsively over-sensitive and precious, and may be much less of a loss than it feels to you right now. Especally as you describe him, and most especially as someone who was pushing for you to take part in a 3-some and swinging you didn't want ( and he doesn't think THAT was manipulative ? ) this all suggests someone highly selfish and uninterested in respecting you and what you want - so you are probably better off without him.

Reply to cybershrink

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