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Question
Posted by: Titty | 2010/03/29

its not fair?

i am a 37 year old single lady and i am in a relationship with my boyfriend. when ever i want to i have to come on top of him but he gets offended, i can not relaesa while he is on top of. help, should i leave him coz its a big issue when ever i tell him straight - its my turn.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

A healthy sexual relationship should aim to satisfy both parties. The fact that there is almost a turn-fighting going on (power play) is not constructive for a long term relationship. If you just continue the way it is now you are taking a risk of developing an under tone of resentment or infidelity and that will in any case be destructive to the sexual relationship. By the sound of it you could benefit from consulting with a psychologist that works specifically with sexual concerns and couple counseling. Sexual relationship should have a nature of satisfying both partners without power play and fighting being at its centre.


You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/03/31

A healthy sexual relationship should aim to satisfy both parties. The fact that there is almost a turn-fighting going on (power play) is not constructive for a long term relationship. If you just continue the way it is now you are taking a risk of developing an under tone of resentment or infidelity and that will in any case be destructive to the sexual relationship. By the sound of it you could benefit from consulting with a psychologist that works specifically with sexual concerns and couple counseling. Sexual relationship should have a nature of satisfying both partners without power play and fighting being at its centre.


You are welcome to phone our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted in finding a practitioner as close as possible to you.
Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful: www.sexualhealth.co.za

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: Guy | 2010/03/30

Communication is key, be more tactful, tell him why you want to be on top and make him understand that its not because he is doing something wrong. Its because you enjoy this position and the only way you can have an orgasm. He should be lucky that you know what you want and he can get you to orgasm by simply being at the bottom. Good luck and hope that it works out.

Reply to Guy
Posted by: blacki | 2010/03/30

its so great being at the bottom. he dont know what he''s missing. awesome stuff when the woman knows what she wants and not willing to settle for anything less. but you have to compromise too. are you fat, maybe he''s affraid your gonna squash him?

Reply to blacki
Posted by: Nice Guy | 2010/03/29

Tell him exactly what you are telling the sexologist and if he doesn''t take it then go ahead leave him. there is only 2 things involved in this case it''s either you ride the horse or you are walking away. tell him that, then you will be fine

Reply to Nice Guy
Posted by: Real Man | 2010/03/29

Your question is not all that clear, but from what I can gather, you prefer to be on top because if your man is on top you are not able to perform properly and that your man does not like you to be on top. Well if that is the case your man is an idiot and selfish. He must realise that the lady''s pleasure is his responsibility. He must do whatever pleases her, that''s the way REAL men treat their ladies. I have always followed that principle and I know the ladies appreciate it. Have a good talk to him and see if you can impart some manners into the oaf. If he continues behaving like a caveman, dump him ! A man who behaves like that does not deserve the ministrations of a lady.

Reply to Real Man
Posted by: Real Man | 2010/03/29

Your question is not all that clear, but from what I can gather, you prefer to be on top because if your man is on top you are not able to perform properly and that your man does not like you to be on top. Well if that is the case your man is an idiot and selfish. He must realise that the lady''s pleasure is his responsibility. He must do whatever pleases her, that''s the way REAL men treat their ladies. I have always followed that principle and I know the ladies appreciate it. Have a good talk to him and see if you can impart some manners into the oaf. If he continues behaving like a caveman, dump him ! A man who behaves like that does not deserve the ministrations of a lady.

Reply to Real Man

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