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Question
Posted by: Downhill | 2011/03/17

It''s just crumbling

I''ve known him for 6 years and we have 3 kids. The main problem is that communication is not possible, because he holds firm views that he is older, he''s right and no-one can tell him anything. I''ve asked one of his relative to come facilitate a talk this evening, we''ll see how that goes. He is so set in his ways. Even if it doesn''t go well, I''ll know that I took the trouble, no matter how small, to talk it through. He says he loves and cares for me, but for now he just wants me out of the house (which was his before we got married).

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Communication is not possible now and recently, or was never possible ? If it's never, then presumably you accepted or put up with this until recently, and something changed this. You don't say how old he is, but older people tend to be more rigid and more reluctant to change.
It makes no sense to say he loves and cares for you but doesn't want to see you in the house. See if the family member can not only help promote better communication between you, when you get together this-evening, but to try to encourage him to join you in marriage counselling, even if it helps to let him think of it mainly as a process to help him manage whatever bothers him about you, with an emphasis on you changing, as he may be unlikely to start it thinking he needs to change at all

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Our users say:
Posted by: Downhill | 2011/03/18

I couldn''t help laughing at your response to my original post! We have a singleton (4yrs) and our twins will turn 1 in April. It''s not quite plain maths after all.

Reply to Downhill
Posted by: Helper | 2011/03/17

Why does he want you out the house? I presume he means he wants to seperate from you? has he mentioned divorce? What brought this on? What is the difference in your ages? It is truely tiresome to be associated with a KnowAll and being an older person it just makes it worse. Clearly communication is not going to help either. He cannot possibly really love you so take the hint. I realise divorce is a really big thing but ask yourself can you continue living with this person for the rest of your life?? Go and see a good lady divorce lawyer

Reply to Helper
Posted by: Maths | 2011/03/17

So its 1 kid every 2 years...you better divorce him soon otherwize you will end up with 20 kids hey!

Reply to Maths
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/17

Communication is not possible now and recently, or was never possible ? If it's never, then presumably you accepted or put up with this until recently, and something changed this. You don't say how old he is, but older people tend to be more rigid and more reluctant to change.
It makes no sense to say he loves and cares for you but doesn't want to see you in the house. See if the family member can not only help promote better communication between you, when you get together this-evening, but to try to encourage him to join you in marriage counselling, even if it helps to let him think of it mainly as a process to help him manage whatever bothers him about you, with an emphasis on you changing, as he may be unlikely to start it thinking he needs to change at all

Reply to cybershrink

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