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Question
Posted by: Latoya | 2010-09-03

Its been a while, but i still cannot figure out

Last year, i send a posting about being involved with some guy, and i was told the truth by CB and some posters.
Year 2 i am still in that relationship. Ok, for those who dont know, i will try and cut it short, i got involved with a guy who i didnt know what was happening with his life, because he never disclosed, until when i was deeply in love, i got a phone call from a woman calling herself his wife, i confronted the guy and he told me stories that the lady is manipulative, she threaten to kill herself if they break, she stays with her because her mother(THe lady''s mother send her back to the guy) i asked if its possible for a mother to send her daughter to stay with someone who she is not married to, he said, they went to the family with the promise to pay lobola, but they didnt pay, well, i said, i dont want to continue with the relationship, cant do it to any woman, but he kept calling me, saying he miss me, then for some reason, i found myself accepting him, i tried several times to break up with him, but it didnt happen. i wanted to see how much he mean about this relationship, i faked pregnancy, which for some strange reason was happy about, when i told him i miscarried, he looked sad. to date we are still together, he come to my house, i never go to his house, unless when we have been out and i have to drop him off, i do go with him to my friend''s parties, but he has never taken me to his friend''s parties, only once at the beginning of our relationship, I really love this guy, but i dont want to be in a relationship that is not going anywhere, i dont want o see myself with him after 5 years still with no direction, he however want to have a child with me, which i also want, i am not sure what to do, a bit of advice will do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

sigh
Apparently you are content to be used as just one of his women ( you know of one other, but can't be sure there aren't more ) and prefer to accept his stories and excuses, rather than take responsibility for looking after yourself and heading for someone who will be honest with you and for whom you will be the only partner. So, he fancies having a child with you ? That's not good for you or the potential child - it just might make the selfish guy feel clever.
What on earth makes you feel he will change ( this arangement suits him perfectly ) ? What on earth makes you fantasize that this relationship is going ANYWHERE AT ALL ? From his point of view, it's already just where he needs it - why would he want to go anywhere else ?
Choose to stick with your fantasies, and see how long it takes before the disappointment of reality sinks in ; or make a braver move to face reality and move on, for someone actually wanting a more honest relationship with you.
sigh

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: ll | 2010-09-05

You are so scared of moving on and being alone that you would put up with what ever comes your way. Do not be scared, move on. They call it freedom.

Reply to ll
Posted by: Beth | 2010-09-03

Simple and straight to the pointhe is happy with his wife and wanting a baby is just his way of keeping u.Dont have the baby wait for someone who will belong to u cos that one is taken.The reason u dont go to his friends and family is bcos they the madam and he loves and respects her so he wont risk loosing her for u so MOVE ON u r wasting ur time for NOTHING....

Reply to Beth
Posted by: Lovey | 2010-09-03

Some women are suckers for pain stru! good luck my sister enjoy being taken for a ride.

Reply to Lovey
Posted by: Maria | 2010-09-03

Wake up and smell the roses girl, you are just his bit on the side and he will never leave his wife for you. If you fall pregnant you are going to end up being a single parent, fighting to get some maintenance from the father. Why on earth would you want to not only continue with this relationship but also subject an innocent child to it?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-03

sigh
Apparently you are content to be used as just one of his women ( you know of one other, but can't be sure there aren't more ) and prefer to accept his stories and excuses, rather than take responsibility for looking after yourself and heading for someone who will be honest with you and for whom you will be the only partner. So, he fancies having a child with you ? That's not good for you or the potential child - it just might make the selfish guy feel clever.
What on earth makes you feel he will change ( this arangement suits him perfectly ) ? What on earth makes you fantasize that this relationship is going ANYWHERE AT ALL ? From his point of view, it's already just where he needs it - why would he want to go anywhere else ?
Choose to stick with your fantasies, and see how long it takes before the disappointment of reality sinks in ; or make a braver move to face reality and move on, for someone actually wanting a more honest relationship with you.
sigh

Reply to cybershrink

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