Our expert says:
I know what you're talking about. And part of the reason people do the " How wonderful you are to do this" thing, is their sheer enormous relief that YOU are doing it, and not them. And ys, it's difficult to handle the many things the disabled person can't do, and hard not to blame them, AS THOUGH their weaknesses were deliberate. NOT knocking over your glass most of the time is an achievement of Ne's, which only sometimes fails. Notice the times she DOESN'T do it, not only the times when she does. It's hard ; anyone who says it's easy hasn't tried doing it. And as I find now, having lost the person who became so awfully dependent on me, you both regret every single time you were less than saintly ( a most unreasonable expectation to place upon oneself, but very natural ) and, now not having to spend all those hours of work caring for them, you feel so literally At a Loss.
As Kay G suggests, why not explore further settingnup a Support Group, as there must be numerous others in a similar situation -- including many parents at the school Ne goes to. Maybe it'd be good to mix carers of mentally handicapped people with those caring for the handicapped elderly. Not only can you give sheer emotioanl support to each other, but swap tips that nobody else would have thought of or tried. I know you've explored this route before, but keep trying --- one day it will work. Maybe don't limit it to CP ; some problems are unique to a particular condition, some are much more general. And the problems for the caregiver are usually very similar.
And Adul CP is right about how to deal with sympathetic but clumsy other people, by taking the initiative and answering their question when you see them looking puizzled, rather than waiting for the inevitable questions. Its not wrong for them to be puzzled or sympathetic, however clumsily
And I suspect that the only person on earth who doesn't love you this morning, is you, yourself.
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