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Question
Posted by: Lerato | 2010-08-18

It is ok to feel like this?

I am a married woman of 33 yrs, recently i''ve been having some serious marital problems with hubby. recently i have been sleeping with my pyjamas on, and when he forces himself on me i become so wet and enjoy the sex so much even though i pretend like i am not enjoying. Is this normal?????
Sometimes when i am here at work i just wish i can just go home and have a quickie with him, i enjoy him so much, but i hate his attitude.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Lerato, describe genital lubrication ('wet') which may or may not be a sign of being 'turned on' (women lubricate in response to many sexual stimuli many which they subjectively report as not enjoyable - this then can be seen as a reflex response and not necessarily indicating enjoyment). However, you ALSO say that you enjoy the sex, in which case it sounds like you have an erotic attachment to that kind of behaviour - which is not necessarily a problem. The problem as I see it may be that he doesn't know that you are just pretending to not like it. So if he really thinks it's okay to do this against your will, what happens if a day comes when you don't feel like it and don't enjoy it? He won't understand your different reaction and you are likely to feel violated/abused.

Some women do find the idea/fantasy of being dominated in this way very arousing and that's fine as long as they can ensure the rules of that domination. My main concern in your case is that your husband isn't part of the pretense; for him he appears to just be doing what he want irrespective of your 'protests'.

Perhaps you could make this more explicit/open with him and tell him that you are happy to play this role play, but that it is a role play. Find a way that you can communicate to him if it really is not okay so that you can find a safe way to stop it if you need to.

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: En | 2010-08-19

The Big one of them is coco something...is leading by example

Reply to En
Posted by: Coco Chanel | 2010-08-19

I see the Monkeys came out to play?!

Reply to Coco Chanel
Posted by: En | 2010-08-19

Eh wena zola, o tlo juta ke makgowa mo....mxxm....jou coconut...

Reply to En
Posted by: Zola | 2010-08-19

So childish ne!

Reply to Zola
Posted by: En | 2010-08-19

Wa s''baya wena zola...jou swaen..

Reply to En
Posted by: Zola | 2010-08-19

Well said Woman!

Reply to Zola
Posted by: Woman | 2010-08-19

Pourqoi nous ne parlons Francais? C''est aussi un posssible language d''ecrivons? Mais enfin, Anglais -c''est la lingua franca de 21 siè cle. Comme vous pouvez voir, c''est un argument stupide.

Ainsi qui connaî t l''allemand, le russe, itialian?? ...

As for your problem, your husband has no right to force himself on you. You can open a case of rape under the domestic violence act. What he is doing is not normal and not acceptable at all.

A physical reaction to being touched sexually (getting wet) is a normal reaction, and a reason why many victims of rape feel guilty about the fact. I suggest you let your husband know, in no uncertain terms that he is never allowed to force himself on you. He may only touch you with your permission. Then, I suggest the two of you go see a professional person who can help you both draw boundaries and help with communication. If he doesn''t want to go, you should definitely go alone.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Rob | 2010-08-19

nee ek is eintlik Afrikaans. Iets wat julle seker sal grief maar as ons hier Afrikaans praat sal julle dit ook nie verstaan nie. Ek het nie nodig om ''n swart taal te ken nie, anders sal ek weet hoe julle strooi praat. Ek het heel beleefd gevra om in Engels te antwoord sodat ons almal weet wat jy sê . Baie geluk dat jy agt tale ken....sjoe!!! ek wens ek was so slim!!!

Reply to Rob
Posted by: Phemelo | 2010-08-19

ja ne - is waar!

Reply to Phemelo
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010-08-19

Lerato, describe genital lubrication ('wet') which may or may not be a sign of being 'turned on' (women lubricate in response to many sexual stimuli many which they subjectively report as not enjoyable - this then can be seen as a reflex response and not necessarily indicating enjoyment). However, you ALSO say that you enjoy the sex, in which case it sounds like you have an erotic attachment to that kind of behaviour - which is not necessarily a problem. The problem as I see it may be that he doesn't know that you are just pretending to not like it. So if he really thinks it's okay to do this against your will, what happens if a day comes when you don't feel like it and don't enjoy it? He won't understand your different reaction and you are likely to feel violated/abused.

Some women do find the idea/fantasy of being dominated in this way very arousing and that's fine as long as they can ensure the rules of that domination. My main concern in your case is that your husband isn't part of the pretense; for him he appears to just be doing what he want irrespective of your 'protests'.

Perhaps you could make this more explicit/open with him and tell him that you are happy to play this role play, but that it is a role play. Find a way that you can communicate to him if it really is not okay so that you can find a safe way to stop it if you need to.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: En | 2010-08-18

La nnyela...

Reply to En
Posted by: NativeTongue | 2010-08-18

Hate the poms, its a rugby thing. Anything but english please.

Reply to NativeTongue
Posted by: En | 2010-08-18

Zola are you not contradicting yourself? You dont know where you stand bro, get your act together

Reply to En
Posted by: Zola | 2010-08-18

English is the number 1 language spoken and understood in the WORLD! So, yes, this is an ENGLISH forum, keep it ENGLISH!

Guess you are the same people moaning when someone posts in a language YOU dont understand????

Reply to Zola
Posted by: En | 2010-08-18

This is mzansi wena rob, we cant be knowing almost all eleven languges, and you guys know only one language English. Atleast i know 8 languages from our country, how many do you know wena rob, let me gues one which is English.

Mxxxm...

Reply to En
Posted by: NativeTongue | 2010-08-18

Rob maybe its about time you learn a native language, call it a nation-building exercise.

Reply to NativeTongue
Posted by: Rob | 2010-08-18

En, please keep it to English.

Thanks

Reply to Rob
Posted by: En | 2010-08-18

Ngwana ko gae, buwa le monna wa gao ka attitude ya gae, gore a o rate, o mo tlhalosetse goreng o sa e rate.

Reply to En

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