Posted by: mabhebeza | 2013/01/30

IT HURTS!!!!!!

So am seating at my desk doing my job and keeping busy then all of a sudden it hits me ...
this marriage, this relationship is ova ....damn it rily is O-V-E-R....
I stop and stare into space, my eyes whelm up with tears and I get the deepest sense of sadness I have eva experienced...

I fill like I have heartbreak stuck in my body but wont cm out .....
I don’ t want to feel this pain!!!

I fill like a computer that has been opened up and all its parts are left broken on the floor,
I feel like I’ m inside a hurricane and everything around me is unravelling and yet here I stand watching it all fall apart...
I take a deep breath and continue staring as one by one everything falls apart...

Everything is falling apart ....I don’ t think my heart understands the message that my brain is trying to convey ......
there is a huge error in communication ..AM I hallucinating!!

Wont someone please come and tell my heart ,
wake me up and make me understand that no matter how many tears I cry,
no matter how sad I become no matter how hard I close my eyes and shut my ears it’ s still O-V-E-R..........

This heartache is turning me into a maniac , my eyes moving round and round to try and hold back the tears , I
have a awkward smile on my face that even I don’ t understand,
I speak fast so no one can hear the pain my voice I won’ t let this heartache come out!!
I won’ t let it be reality how will I cope!? Will i eva stop crying if i start, will my heart eva heal if i let it feel this pain ,will I eva forget!!


So many years, so many memories, so much happiness

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Posted by: JST SHARING | 2013/02/19


Am i coping or am i fooling myself,
Have i lied to myself so much that im starting to believe that im ok yet am not
Am so scared that i have lied to myself for so long that im coping and one day it will all come crushing down on me..
Has this facade taken over me .....

This mask of mine that i hide behind should it disappear ..what will happen to me?
To me me ....who is me!

Who is me...i say this to myself over and over again yet have no answer
This mask of mine it dare not leave me, it dare not forsake me now or ever

Where would i hide my heartache , my tears , my loneliness..
Where would the smile i fake come from, where would the happiness i fake come from ..

This mask of mine dare not leave me , where would i find the will to go on and tell everyone im fine ..

This mask of mine dare not leave me.........................WHERE WOULD I HIDE ME!

Posted by: tidoo | 2013/02/07

I''m currently feeling the same way as you and I don''t know where to hurts so badly especially if u have invested so much of you in the relationship n when the marriage is only 14months old, with a 3month old baby. Be strong.

Reply to tidoo
Posted by: JR | 2013/01/30

I am so terribly sorry. I don''t have words to console. I can only tell you what I did in the early days when I felt exactly the same - when I asked, how could something that was so good turn out so terribly? Two years later, I still ask myself that question, and the mind still boggles when I try and search for the answers as to WHY. WHY, when I believed (and still do- believe it or not) that this was the man God intended for me. I asked for a good man, and this is what I received, and WHY, WHY GOD WHY.

You need to cry, you need to scream, you need to curse him. YOU NEED TO LET THE HEARTACHE COME OUT. If you don''t the poison will sit there, and make you rotten, bitter and cynical. Allow yourself the release of venting. Pour out your heart to God. That is the start, if you can, find yourself a good church counsellor. Honestly, I don''t think a professional therapist that I paid a fortune did me a quarter of the good that the lady at the Church did. Somedays I just cried while she held me. I did this once for three hours. I cried for three hours solid, but when I was done there, and there were no more tears, I was able to start rebuilding what was very broken. It takes time. It takes a lot of time, and somedays you will feel wonderful, and others you will feel like you are back to square one.

But I promise you, eventually there won''t be anymore tears, the pain will ease, and you will feel better.

Work on your self esteem, find some interests and hobbies to take your mind off everything that will totally absorb you. This is now time where you focus totally on you. Make you the best that you can be.

Good luck I wish you all the best.

Reply to JR
Posted by: Shozi | 2013/01/30

Yhooo babes I am very sorry for what you are going through, Reading your post inflicted some sorrow, i cant even imagine how you feel.

I must say though, let it all out...cry if you have to. If possible take some few days off and let it out, i knw crying eases the tension in a heart though it doest take it away.

I can only ask you to pray during this difficult time. I will also pray for you #tight huggies#

Reply to Shozi

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