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Question
Posted by: Prefer to be Anon | 2011/02/18

Issues in the bedroom

I am a male and have NEVER had ED or PE issues-in fact to the contrary,was able to last as long as iI(and my partner) wanted to.However,I have had 2 spinal fusions in the last few years and for some reason developed a bit of a PE issue-could only last 5 minutes or so ! My wife was not understanding at all and in fact was downright horrible and inconsiderate.I can only put this down to my body saying it was too sore to have sex and ejaculation therefore happened quicker !
I have bought lubes/toys etc to try and spice things up but she is not interested.
All of this has lead to major issues in the bedroom,ie,I BEG for sex most nights and get nothing in return.She is again downright rude and talks to me in a way that a wife should not talk to a husband (or vice versa).
I am " fortunate"  to eventually have sex once a month and then I am so " hungry"  that I don''t last too long again.On the odd occasion when we have done it a few times in a week then I am able to go on for ages.It has therefore become a catch 22 situation,she wants an orgasm only through penetration (not by using oral sex/toys etc) and because I only get it so rarely,find it difficult to last longer than 5 minutes.
I do use Elma (!!) ointment but find that the lack of regular sex prevents me from lasting.
As frustrated as my wife is,so am I.I want to perform for much longer and obviously satisfy her as well (not forgetting she only wants to orgasm by penetration)
I am absolutely desperate to make things right but simply cannot get her to understand that it is like a cat chasing its tail ie we need to have regular sex (maybe not with " perfection"  every time) so we both get to know each other better again AND thereby satisfy each other''s needs better.
I might add that I at least attempt to use toys and the like but she never ever even kisses me let alone touches the rest of my body/penis etc (I''m not even talking about oral sex).When trying to kiss her she turns away and she has no interest in fondling/kissing her breasts.
I might add that the wife had a hysterectomy some 7 years or so back.
The weird thing is that I still love her dearly and the rest of life together is good.Have you ANY comments/suggestions that could possibly get us on the right track.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

You are absolutely right that infrequency can have an impact on a man's ability to delay ejaculation. If nothing else is addressed in the relationship, then you could either try to reduce the intensity by masturbating more regularly or you could get a script from you GP for a low dose of an SSRI (antidepressants)which have the side-effect of slowing down orgasm.

It sounds, however, that your wife is struggling with low libido and this has meant that all intimacy has been compromised because she is afraid it will lead to sex. This aspect can be addressed relatively easily as long as you are both willing to work on it. I would recommend that you see a sex therapist who can help you both!

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: QQ | 2011/02/22

Hi
Please don''t be offended, but you keep mentioning that you " done it for ages" , " perform for much longer"  etc.
Maybe I speak for myself, but that is just boring.
I am not saying just do it and get it over with, but looooong oustretched sessions are boring.

Reply to QQ
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011/02/18

You are absolutely right that infrequency can have an impact on a man's ability to delay ejaculation. If nothing else is addressed in the relationship, then you could either try to reduce the intensity by masturbating more regularly or you could get a script from you GP for a low dose of an SSRI (antidepressants)which have the side-effect of slowing down orgasm.

It sounds, however, that your wife is struggling with low libido and this has meant that all intimacy has been compromised because she is afraid it will lead to sex. This aspect can be addressed relatively easily as long as you are both willing to work on it. I would recommend that you see a sex therapist who can help you both!

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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