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Question
Posted by: Flower 1980 | 2010-03-28

Issues

I am a 30 year colored female dating a 40 year old white man. We been in this relationship for a year now, all the times its been fine until recently. He says he loves me and I do him. Here''s the problem, this man earnes 4 times more than me,ok, all the time he use to pay for everything when we go out to dinner and stuff. I only started sleeping over recently, spending weekends with and and only introduce my son to him. So I decided to install dstv at his place, teusday we were fine, all of a sudden I got an sms saying his not paying for anything anymore. All because I phoned him saying that I already contacted multichoice to only have the dish switched on, on weekends when my son is there because I''m paying for it. And he threw a hissie fit for 3 days ignoring me. Then it came out that he has a problem driving me around,taking me to places and paying for stuff, I was like "what the hell?"

The way I grew up boyfriends always use to pay for everything. He earns so much more than me. I love this man very much, I don''t come out of a good area, so he thinks its all about his status for me, but all I wants is him. But its seems as if money is becoming a common problem in this relationship. Would it be a waste t continue with him, or should I give up now. I do love him.

Next weekend we are going away and I ask him should I gave him half of the petrol money,and he said no its fine, all because i told him I living off my credit card. I am suffering a bit financially but wont ask him for money, rather suffer, because in the last argument we had he told me he is the financier in this relationship.

Maybe this was his problem in other relationship, because I mean his 40 and still not married. Should I run now or stick it out? I do want to marry this man, but he's actually making me afraid to say, lets go out for supper.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Women ca't have it both ways - you can't expect the privileges, independence, responsibilities and opportunities of a modern woman, and still preserve an ancient custom like men paying for everything. It is easy to understand why your bf was hurt - you have been happy for years to have him pay everything for you, and more recently to pay for you and your son by another father, but when you decide to pay for DSTV, you want to go to extra trouble to switch if off so this guy can't watch it except when your boy is there ? Can't you see how mean and selfish ( and ungrateful ) that looked ?

Couples counseling would be a really good investment for both of you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: JD | 2010-03-31

Please leave him. He can do much better.

I''m sorry for the next guy that will get involved with such a spiteful and selfish person such as yourself.

Reply to JD
Posted by: DW | 2010-03-29

Thats spiteful of you, only having the DSTV switched on for the weekends. If you can''t afford the DSTV, why install it in the first place. Think how he must feel, paying for everything, and now when you tell him that you will only have the DSTV on over the weekends, how would you feel? Girl, the old age living where the boyfriend pays for everything has gone. Yes, I am a male and I do prefer to pay for things, but sometimes you just cannot. Re-think this over, remember you also have a kid, so it looks like he is paying towards the kid as well during the getaways etc.

Reply to DW
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-03-29

Women ca't have it both ways - you can't expect the privileges, independence, responsibilities and opportunities of a modern woman, and still preserve an ancient custom like men paying for everything. It is easy to understand why your bf was hurt - you have been happy for years to have him pay everything for you, and more recently to pay for you and your son by another father, but when you decide to pay for DSTV, you want to go to extra trouble to switch if off so this guy can't watch it except when your boy is there ? Can't you see how mean and selfish ( and ungrateful ) that looked ?

Couples counseling would be a really good investment for both of you.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Lin | 2010-03-28

In this day and age one person can''t be expected to pay for everything. If you want to enjoy things like eating out, try to pay your share. Or try to pay for dessert or something.
I''m not saying that he''s not allowed to spoil you every now and then...
Please try to go for relationship counselling now. Financial issues are the reason many married couples decide to devorce.
It would do you both good to sort out this problem before getting married.
And also, if you can''t spoil him by taking him out and spending lots of money, why not spoil him with his favoured chocolate or his favoured dessert, ect. It will make him feel special too.

Reply to Lin

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