Our expert says:
This sounds like a rather confusing and uncomfortable way to be. There are so many possibilities about what may be awry and how it could be put right, that what would be best would be for you to see a good local psychiatrist for a proper in-person assessment, and then a discussion of what seems to be wrong and what treatment options there are.
In recent years a surpisingly large number of rather complex conditions have been recognized, some of which might fit with your sort of experiences and concerns, and which can be helped, perhaps with psychotherapy and perhaps also with some medications. I'm sure there's a lot you could do for yourself, too, if you had the right help to start with - because it's so important to be clear what you are dealing with, and what your aims should be in whatever you would do on your own to complement whatever expert help you got to make some strengths out of some of these awkward concerns.
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