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Question
Posted by: DL | 2010/12/08

Is this possible?

My partner and I have been together for a long time...We always had a fantastic sex life. Until last year when he had a heart attack. Since then, we have not had sex once. I brought it up yesterday after we read an article about some impotency pills being banned. I asked if he ever used it before - and he said no. I asked if he would need it now - and he said no, he doesnt need pills because he''''s not interested in sex anymore. He is still on heart medication as well as anti-depressants. He''''s convinced that it''''s a side effect of the pills and that it will be this way forever. I can''''t accept that. He was nothing like this before...I waited a year to bring this up to make him feel like I am willing to give him time to recover. He just don''''t want to talk about it and asked me to drop the subject. Where do we go from here...We''''re not old enough to just leave it at that. - I''''m 34 and he''''s 49. I can''''t imagine not having a sex life anymore. It really feels like I''''m being rejected - and I even asked him if he just doesn''''t want to have sex with ME and use this as an excuse not to...He said it has nothing to do with me. We don''''t ''''cuddle'''' anymore, he doesnt hold me anymore. It''''s if he''''s too scared to do so. Is this normal?
Please note: I posted this to the cyber doc as well - not sure into which catagory this falls.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

I ache as I read your story- this is a very typical story of a man who has had a cardio vascular event. There is a fear that comes into the hearts of these men , a fear of dying whilst being sexual. Ignorance and fear allow this situation to exist. Unfortunately I hold health care providers responsible for this situation to some degree as this is an uncomfortable topic that nobody wants to address- neither patient nor doctor.
Men who have had CVD will have suffered with erection problems long before the event happens - and one of the side effects of this event is an erectile problem. Plus the anti depressant plus heart medication will ensure he has no desire and erectile problems.
The positive side of this is that there is good medication , namely PDE5i's which can give your man an erection again . And perhaps he needs testosterone which would give him desire.
This is almost the easy side of the problem. The challenge,as you are experiencing , is to get your man out of his depression, fear of dying and to a cardiologist who can assess him for sexual health and manage him well.
Both of you are too young to give up life- and sex is part of life. I really hope you win this battle ..

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Our users say:
Posted by: ageing and sexuality expert | 2010/12/13

I ache as I read your story- this is a very typical story of a man who has had a cardio vascular event. There is a fear that comes into the hearts of these men , a fear of dying whilst being sexual. Ignorance and fear allow this situation to exist. Unfortunately I hold health care providers responsible for this situation to some degree as this is an uncomfortable topic that nobody wants to address- neither patient nor doctor.
Men who have had CVD will have suffered with erection problems long before the event happens - and one of the side effects of this event is an erectile problem. Plus the anti depressant plus heart medication will ensure he has no desire and erectile problems.
The positive side of this is that there is good medication , namely PDE5i's which can give your man an erection again . And perhaps he needs testosterone which would give him desire.
This is almost the easy side of the problem. The challenge,as you are experiencing , is to get your man out of his depression, fear of dying and to a cardiologist who can assess him for sexual health and manage him well.
Both of you are too young to give up life- and sex is part of life. I really hope you win this battle ..

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