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Question
Posted by: DL | 2010/12/08

Is this possible?

My partner and I have been together for a long time...We always had a fantastic sex life. Until last year when he had a heart attack. Since then, we have not had sex once. I brought it up yesterday after we read an article about some impotency pills being banned. I asked if he ever used it before - and he said no. I asked if he would need it now - and he said no, he doesnt need pills because he''s not interested in sex anymore. He is still on heart medication as well as anti-depressants. He''s convinced that it''s a side effect of the pills and that it will be this way forever. I can''t accept that. He was nothing like this before...I waited a year to bring this up to make him feel like I am willing to give him time to recover. He just don''t want to talk about it and asked me to drop the subject. Where do we go from here...We''re not old enough to just leave it at that. - I''m 34 and he''s 49. I can''t imagine not having a sex life anymore. It really feels like I''m being rejected - and I even asked him if he just doesn''t want to have sex with ME and use this as an excuse not to...He said it has nothing to do with me. We don''t ''cuddle'' anymore, he doesnt hold me anymore. It''s if he''s too scared to do so. Is this normal?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Very possible. Apparently he has been diagnosed as depressed ( which quite commonly goes with heart attacks ) and those can indeed remove someone'e sexual desire / libido or interfere with their sexual performance ( ability to get erections, stay erect, or even to cum ). If he is seeing a good local psychiatrist, as these side-effects don't inevitably affect everyone on every AD, one may be found which helps the depression without these side-effects.
And apart from possible side-effects ( from the Ads or other heart drugs ) its common that someone who has had a significant heart attack is indeed afraid to allow themselves to behave sexually, for fear that this may bring on another and perhaps fatal attack. In fact, sex can be an agreeable form of exercise, used properly, and can help in rehabilitation - but many cardiologists and others working in rehab don't understand this and may not even discuss it with their patients.
I'm sure it's not you, and men who have any impairment of their sexual function usually feel awful about it and try to avoid facing the issue or talking about it. A psychologist with interst in this area could help him work through these dificulties, with benefits for both of you

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/08

Very possible. Apparently he has been diagnosed as depressed ( which quite commonly goes with heart attacks ) and those can indeed remove someone'e sexual desire / libido or interfere with their sexual performance ( ability to get erections, stay erect, or even to cum ). If he is seeing a good local psychiatrist, as these side-effects don't inevitably affect everyone on every AD, one may be found which helps the depression without these side-effects.
And apart from possible side-effects ( from the Ads or other heart drugs ) its common that someone who has had a significant heart attack is indeed afraid to allow themselves to behave sexually, for fear that this may bring on another and perhaps fatal attack. In fact, sex can be an agreeable form of exercise, used properly, and can help in rehabilitation - but many cardiologists and others working in rehab don't understand this and may not even discuss it with their patients.
I'm sure it's not you, and men who have any impairment of their sexual function usually feel awful about it and try to avoid facing the issue or talking about it. A psychologist with interst in this area could help him work through these dificulties, with benefits for both of you

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