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Question
Posted by: JULIA | 2012/02/15

Is this fair

I think I am in a damaging relationship. Everytime we have a agrument my bf tells me to leave if I want to and he shakes his head and mutters under his breath he doesnt need this in his life. We have been together for nearly five years and he wont commit to move in or get married I find if I am not perfect and happy 24.7 he really doesnt want to hear my moans and groans. He doesnt want to hear anything that upsets him or his day..or if he does it must be said and over in 5 minutes. So we can be great for six months and the minute I stand up for myself and express my unhappiness I get the leave if you want too - I told him he makes me insecure and toppled with the fact that he wont commit makes me feel even more unsure.

I am at a crossroads as either I need to suck things up that I dont like to make him happy or else I express myself and then that just ends up with him telling me to go. He wants all the good times - the going out, parties fun happy times but doesnt want any hassles like my children and when I am hurting I am so not in a good place and feel heartbroken as last night he told me he cant do this unless we resolve our issues in a better way which basically means I shouldnt really say how I am feeling.

This really doesnt seem fair to me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So this Big Head assumes that somehow He is perfect, and worries that you are not ? One must wondr why an inelligent woman would hang around such a jerk for 5 months, let alone 5 years.
His inability to commit, or to treat you with full respect is a weakness in HIM, not in you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pixie | 2012/02/17

I also have a wonderful man in my life who is kind and patient and makes me feel better when I am down. Just like a woman should show her love for her man in the way he appreciates it best, a man should do the same. It is always about give and take!

Sounds like your man just takes and isn''t willing to stand by you. He needs a big wake up call, somewhere along the line he got the idea that a relationship is all fun and games. It''s hard work! If he can''t step up, you are worth so much more.

Reply to Pixie
Posted by: Lee | 2012/02/15

Sounds like my hubby. When I express my unhappiness, I get told that the problem is with me. He can''t see any problems, so I must go get my head checked out. And yes, it must be over and done with in 5 minutes &  life must get back on track.

Maria, I am so so envious right now. You are blessed.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Queen | 2012/02/15

I agree with Maria 100%

Reply to Queen
Posted by: Maria | 2012/02/15

I have a man who will hug me and hold me, and tell me that I can always talk to him when I''m feeling down. They do exist. It sounds as if your boyfriend doesn''t have the slightest of intentions to even try and support you when times are tough. I disagree with Hello - while it is certainly good to get support from friends and family when you need it, your closest relationship should be your first port of call. If it isn''t then you seriously need to ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life like this. Would he consider joining you for couples counselling? Perhaps you can both learn new ways of asking for and giving support.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: HELLO | 2012/02/15

Most men have a problem they just dont know what to do when a woman is hurting, we are emotional and they are not, all they want is to share happy time and as for sad moment rather share them with your friends and family.

Reply to HELLO
Posted by: Purple | 2012/02/15

It sounds like you are his Mss Right now and not his Mrs Right.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/15

So this Big Head assumes that somehow He is perfect, and worries that you are not ? One must wondr why an inelligent woman would hang around such a jerk for 5 months, let alone 5 years.
His inability to commit, or to treat you with full respect is a weakness in HIM, not in you.

Reply to cybershrink

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