Posted by: Down girl | 2009-03-25

Is this disloyal, doc?

Pls tell me is it normal if your partner with whom you have a baby keeps contact with an ex-lover, sms her and visit her at her work from time to time without telling you and keeping it secret?

Am I unreasonable for going off like a rocket and wanting to end the relationship, because there are secrets being kept from me?

He claims they are just friends, but that to me is not the point. She claims she' s happily married but I doubt her husband knows of their contact with each other. When he had a drinking problem he used to phone her to tell her how much he misses her whenever he got drunk.

PLEASE tell me if this is not a form of cheating and do I have reason for being suspicious?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Normal isn't the right word. It happens ; it's thoroughly bad manners and disrespetful of his current partner and the child. it is emotional cheating, even if nothing physical occurs.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Down girl | 2009-03-25

Hi Leelo,

What do you say to the fact that he said he would go introduce me to her while I was on maternity leave and promised not to go see her alone and then went to visit her behind my back and lied about it?

He claims that I' m the " love of his life"  yet doesn' t want to introduce me to the woman, even though I told him to invite both her and her husband so we could get acquinted.

He keeps their sms' s secret and lies to me about contacting her. I really don' t think I' m overreacting.

Reply to Down girl
Posted by: Leeloo | 2009-03-25

you say he contacts her from time to time...does he cheat on you with her? i think sometimes we realise that an ex makes a good friend and maybe he needs a friend. i have recently also had a baby with my guy and i find that i can be really hard on him. i do understand your concern but if he is just chatting you have to cut the guy some slack. leaving him if he cheats - yes, but there is a little one and you need to look and see why you are so freaked out.

if he is good to you in all other ways, then stop and think about leaving.

Reply to Leeloo
Posted by: Down girl | 2009-03-25

I have given him altumatums - too many. Everytime when I think it' s over, I discover he still makes contact with her. Not often, but from time to time.

I now don' t see any other way than to leave him, although other people say I must try to work things out for the sake of our child.

However, will he ever really change?

Reply to Down girl
Posted by: Really | 2009-03-25

I agree wtih CS and I think that if it does not stop sooner, later they might end up gettting physical again... you need to put and an end to it give, the man an ultimatum.... his emotional relationship with her or a full relationship with you....

If he has issues, he should be coming to you first not going to her first...

All the best.

Reply to Really

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