Posted by: Angelduste | 2009-01-27

is this cheating?

I have been married for 5 yrs with a 2 year old son. My husband travels a lot and often spends nights away at hotel accomodation. i recently found out that he has been posting ads on gumtree for woman to contact him if they are interested in sex, he also set up anonymous email addresses so he can be discreet. i confronted him and he said that he was just curious and that its over, i checked out the ads and notices that its been happening for some time now and that he is the one doing the inviting to have a good time whilst he is away and not the other way around as he explained. i didnt argue, i didnt say a word i just closed the door and went to bed trying to digest that this was actually happening to me.. how am i supposed to deal with this? this isa shock and a blow to me...Please help..i am soo disgusted im frozen.. i just dont know how to react to this..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe he was curious, and maybe i's over --- and maybe it's not. UNless he is willing yo join you in proper probing marriage counselling, I would hesitate to assume that it's over.

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Our users say:
Posted by: R | 2009-01-28

I must agree with Broken Trust on this one. If that trust has been broken it ie really tough to trust that person again. What your husband did or is doing is wrong and he only thinks of his own pleasure. I know how you feel and if the pressure gets too much, go and speak to a doctor or marraige councilor about this. Best of luck!!

Reply to R
Posted by: Broken Trust | 2009-01-28

I assume he is a stable rational adult ? Any stable, rational adult usually examines the CONSEQUENCES of their actions, I mean that is a basic reaction. So... assuming this he DID consider the consequences, presumably thought about you, even fleetingly, and then went right on ahead and did exactly what he wanted to do, being prepared to take full responsibility for his actions. He placed his wants above the trust of your relationship and now he has blown it. Not to mention the lethal health risk(Aids) he has placed you in after his adulterous behavior. If you are honest with yourself you will acknowledge that he has broken the trust between you and that can NEVER be healed because no matter what he says, you will ALWAYS have that element of doubt about him. I am not suggesting divorce, but its not a bad alternative unless you are prepared to live with the doubts for the rest of your life while you are with him. Good luck anyway but its a hell of way to live !

Reply to Broken Trust

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