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Question
Posted by: Kelly | 2010/11/08

Is this abuse?

Hi,

Im pretty down because, my boyfriend is just too much to handle.

We have fought for over 3 years (entire life of our relationship) and we just never stopped.
He doesnt do anythin for me.. make me feel special... make me dinner once in a while... pick me a daisy off the sidewalk once in a bluemoon... let alone buy me a little gift once in a 3 year span - just to let me know that he loves me.. or that he was thinking of me...

Sigh... he is so moody, and argumentative.. and he exhausts me...

It wasnt always like this, in the beginning, he tried desperately to impress me.. and now, he just couldnt care..

Every month i buy him a gift , after shave,, concert tickets to watch together, days at the spa for a whole day of massages etc..
I am trying here.. he just never does.

Yes, i have tried to talk to him.. he ends up shouting at me, and denying that he doesnt neglect me or not appreciate me...
But he cant back it up...

I have cried my eyes out this whole weekend begging him to make me feel special.. and i think my insecurities has now probably made him not want to be with me anymore... or somehow im pushing him away by being too needy..
when he doesnt realise that i am starting to take comfort in strangers.. and their genuine compliments, and their want for me to be around them. No i havent cheated on him, but i am tempted to feel wanted and really loved for once. There are other ppl that actually appreciate me, and would notice if i was in the room... but alas...
He doesnt..

What on earth can i do?: I cannot have a tantrum and demand he appreciate me, he will tell me to find someone else.. coz he is tired of being in the wrong...tired of me moaning at him... we have a life together, we cant just up and break up... not again anyway...
He talks to me like im stupid, and he get s very cross very quickly over stupid things... like me asking him to put a luggage bag away for me on the top of a cupboard that i cannot reach...
he wont start dinner for me.. he will wait for me to start then " be a gentleman"  and offer... am i being stupid to expect him to tell me to sit down and let him make dinner for us for once??? he says there is no difference in him offering once ive started, and him starting on his own.. TO ME ITS A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

Any advise welcome... :-(

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Does it really matter which label other people might apply to the behaviour or the situation ? The puzzle is, why do you remain with, and try so hard to remain with, such a wholly unsatisfactory and dreary boyfriend, when the world is full of alternatives ? Why DON'T you find someone else, as he has so helpfully suggested ? Don't you deserve more than this ? Why have you trapped yourself ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

9
Our users say:
Posted by: Baloo | 2010/11/09

Geez, must be horrible to be with someone who cries the whole weekend and " begs"  to be made to feel special...bleghh! Poor guy...

Reply to Baloo
Posted by: Mandy | 2010/11/09

oh plz katryn, why settle for less when all women deserve more!!!!just coz you settled doesnt mean the rest of us have to settlr for a mediocre love-less life!!!!

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: katryn | 2010/11/09

Geez... what fairytale do you live in to expect these things? That is life! That''s how it goes. The men who do all those things are probable not even 1 % op population. Lose the fairytale expectations or life may become a very dissappointing journey

Reply to katryn
Posted by: Maria | 2010/11/09

Why are you still there?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/11/09

What''s with expecting someone to " make"  you feel special?? There is no such a thing as your worth being validated by someone else. You are the one who dertemines whether you are special or not. Begging someone to make you feel special tells you there''s some work to be done on your part. Until you feel complete inside its not a good idea to be involved with someone

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Mandy | 2010/11/09

URGH....i am going through the exact samething....i m with my bf for 2 years and this sounds exactly like whats happening to me, the worst part is that im the one feeling like im too demanding and naggy....i would love to see what CS to say because i dont know what to do:(

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/09

Does it really matter which label other people might apply to the behaviour or the situation ? The puzzle is, why do you remain with, and try so hard to remain with, such a wholly unsatisfactory and dreary boyfriend, when the world is full of alternatives ? Why DON'T you find someone else, as he has so helpfully suggested ? Don't you deserve more than this ? Why have you trapped yourself ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Only me | 2010/11/08

Totally agree with Whena...he sounds worthless to me, and you deserve someone better. If he tells you to find someone else, say thanks and start searching, he''s taking you for granted..he likes you (for everything you''re doing for him), but he does''nt loves you.

Best of luck Kelly...

Reply to Only me
Posted by: Whena | 2010/11/08

Why are you wasting your time with such a sorry, good for nothing sh..? You are not married to him! Kick him out of your life!

Reply to Whena

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