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Question
Posted by: dw | 2012/02/22

is this a relationship?

I met this guy 3 weeks ago. Everything is going well, we text eachother during the day and he calls me every night. The only problem is that I hardly see him. Every friday night, his 4 year old daughter sleeps over at his house. He therefore has her on a Saturday morning as well. It is too soon to meet her, so I cant see him when he is with her. On Saturday afternoon he is currently receiving dialysis for 3 hours and after treatment, he is too weak to do anything. On Sundays he visitis his 70 year old father. So I might see him on a Sunday night. Seeing him during the week is also a bit hectic. What do I do? I like this guy but he just doesnt seem to have time available for a girlfriend right now. We are apparently together but what kind of relationship is this where I never see him and cant actually plan anything over weekends because he is so busy with other stuff. Please help. Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He may be a very nice guy, but doesn't it sound as though he really has an awul lot on his plate, and many obligations ? Maybe he could do with a pal, but not a serious relationship at this time ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pixie | 2012/02/22

People shouldn''t be so quick to just judge the situation!! Yes he is very busy, it doesn''t imply that he is cheating on you. We don''t know the situation so people should be more considerate!

Coming from a person who has been dating a man with two children from a previous marriage for the last 3 months, I totally understand the frustrations of starting a relationship with such a person. You get to hear all about the children, you get to hear all about the past and the custody battles etc. You fight for every minute that you have alone together.

YOU have to make the choice whether you are ready for it, whether you want to commit to a person with a heavy and colourful past and what you want for your own life. You have to be sure that you are willing to accept him and his whole family package.

It is a healthy choice to not have his daughter involved at this stage. So that is good. I do however understand the limited amount of time available to actually work on the relationship. He does seem to have a lot on his plate. You will have to discuss this with him, it is not fair for you to hang around and wait for something to happen. It is a two-way street. There is always some sacrifices to be made, but he has to involve YOU in his life, because he has the bigger complication.

I still remind my boyfriend of that and he works really hard to keep me happy and manage his children and ex wife. So far the arrangement is great and we all have a mutual understanding regarding everything. It''s also important to acknowledge whatever effort he puts into the relationship and to not blame him for circumstances that are out of his control.

Good luck! With enough work and love it CAN work.


Reply to Pixie
Posted by: XXX | 2012/02/22

He is not ready for a relationship so just remain friends.He has too m uch on his plate for now.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: / | 2012/02/22

There''s no dialysis here,he is two-timing you

Reply to /
Posted by: jay | 2012/02/22

He is lying to you. He is busy with other woman. Don''t be fooled girl. Wake up and smell the coffee.

Reply to jay
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/22

He may be a very nice guy, but doesn't it sound as though he really has an awul lot on his plate, and many obligations ? Maybe he could do with a pal, but not a serious relationship at this time ?

Reply to cybershrink

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