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Question
Posted by: Wonder. | 2012/07/19

Is there something wrong with me?

Hallo Doctor CS

I was wondering is there something wrong with me? Here''s why I ask.

I am the oldest in our family (25yrs old) and so my younger sister got engage before me married and now have a baby, this is with all my friends and my Fiance''s friends. My family wants me to get married and to have children and they constantly ask when is that going to happen. I want to get married and have children but its like I dont care, I dont display the same excitment of getting married ect. (it feels like i should) I am very much in love and I want this person to be mine forever. He treats me like a queen, yet im not in a hurry to get married. I wonder if this mean anything. (i''ve had a tough up bringing, mom and dad got divorced when i was 5, he use to beat her infront of us, and after there divorce my mom use to say men are pigs, i believed that untill i have met my fiance, still sometimes get irretated with Hallo Doctor CS

I was wondering is there something wrong with me? Here''s why I ask.

Firstly,I am the oldest in our family (25yrs old) and so my younger sister got engage before me married and now has a baby, this is with all my friends and my Fiancé ’ s friends (married with children) My family wants me to get married and to have children and they constantly ask when is that going to happen, my Dad even set a date for us on when we should get married. I want to get married and have children but it’ s like I don’ t care, I don’ t display the same excitement of getting married ect. (It feels like I should care and be excited) I am very much in love and I want this person to be mine forever. He treats me like a queen, yet I’ m not in a hurry to get married. I wonder if this means anything. (I’ ve had a tough up bringing, mom and dad got divorced when I was 5, he use to beat her in front of us, and after there divorce my mom use to say men are pigs, I truly believed that until I have met my fiancé , however I still sometimes get irritated with men when they stare at me or flirt. I wonder why I don’ t get excited or why it doesn’ t face me?

Secondly, I am a anxious human being born and bread... lol (: have always been anxious and I always think the worst. Secondly I am so so so scared of having a baby, I’ m scared I will die or the baby may die, I’ m scared I wont love it the way I should, I’ m scared I will be jealous, I’ m scared I wont be good enough, I’ m scared I will be a wreck for the rest of my life, because when I stress I fall into depression and when I’ m depressed I am anxious about everything, it can be very draining. I am so good with children and they love me, I think they the most precious beings and I can not stand abuse ect. So what’ s the conclusion?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is "normal" to get married young, or to get married old, or to never get married. It's normal to have children or not to have children.
"Normal" is very wide.
More intelligent and confident people do what they feel is right, and resist pressure from other more stupid people who have the false belief that they know what you "must" do.
Why on earth are people like parents sometimes obsessed with pushing their children to get married ? Marriage as such isnt especially desirable. A happy mariage certainly is desirable, but so many marriages end up in divorce or married misery.
Its marvellous to have planned children, when you can aford to look after them well and are settled into a happy relationship. But having kids one cant afford, just because stupid other people want you to do so is never a good idea, and unfair to the children.
If your parents got fivorced when you were young, they are hardly experts on happy marriage. And if he abused his wife, he is especially not qualified to advise.
Some of us do indeed learn to be anxious from a young age, but with proper assessment from a psychologist or psychiatrist, and treatment if necessary, we can all learn to handle anxiety better.
I am sure you will eventually be a marvellous mother, above all because you CARE about doing it right. But right now the extent of the anxieties you describe, suggest that it'd be wise for you to see a shrink for an assessment and a discussion of your treatment options, which might include medications ( such as some meds also mused to treat depression ) and some counselling, especially of the CBT form. You could become more relaxed and happy and confident, and more able to enjoy this relationship, and to let it develope into marriage when it suits you and your partner, and not when selfish other people want it to happen

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Wonder | 2012/07/20

@ Dean

What ever makes your bum hum....

Reply to Wonder
Posted by: Dr Dean | 2012/07/20

@ Wonder

Can''t imagine anyone would want to marry someone like you.

Kind regards

Dr Dean

Reply to Dr Dean
Posted by: Wonder | 2012/07/20

Thank you so much CS, it all makes sense, I don''t know if you can but i''d like it if you could refer me to someone really good, I don''t like just seeing anybody cause sometimes its just all about the money.

I really want to say that I appreciate your assistance, taking your own time and helping people, you must be a great person.

As for Dr Dean, your just a waiste of time, this is not a site to entertain you but to help people that really needs it, register on twiter where you will hopefully find your needs to be met.

I hope you have a wonderfull weekend.

Kind Regards,
Wonder

Reply to Wonder
Posted by: Dr Dean | 2012/07/19

BORING ARTICLE............................................................................
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NEXT..............

DR. DEAN

Reply to Dr Dean
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/19

It is "normal" to get married young, or to get married old, or to never get married. It's normal to have children or not to have children.
"Normal" is very wide.
More intelligent and confident people do what they feel is right, and resist pressure from other more stupid people who have the false belief that they know what you "must" do.
Why on earth are people like parents sometimes obsessed with pushing their children to get married ? Marriage as such isnt especially desirable. A happy mariage certainly is desirable, but so many marriages end up in divorce or married misery.
Its marvellous to have planned children, when you can aford to look after them well and are settled into a happy relationship. But having kids one cant afford, just because stupid other people want you to do so is never a good idea, and unfair to the children.
If your parents got fivorced when you were young, they are hardly experts on happy marriage. And if he abused his wife, he is especially not qualified to advise.
Some of us do indeed learn to be anxious from a young age, but with proper assessment from a psychologist or psychiatrist, and treatment if necessary, we can all learn to handle anxiety better.
I am sure you will eventually be a marvellous mother, above all because you CARE about doing it right. But right now the extent of the anxieties you describe, suggest that it'd be wise for you to see a shrink for an assessment and a discussion of your treatment options, which might include medications ( such as some meds also mused to treat depression ) and some counselling, especially of the CBT form. You could become more relaxed and happy and confident, and more able to enjoy this relationship, and to let it develope into marriage when it suits you and your partner, and not when selfish other people want it to happen

Reply to cybershrink

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