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Question
Posted by: aloe | 2010/03/23

is there really such a thing as commitment phobic?

I''ve been dating a man that has been divorced (twice). After a few weeks of dating him, he started acting weird towards me. When I questioned him, he said he has a fear of commitment and that he doesn''t trust his own judgement when it comes to women (due to the divorces). He said he really likes me, and that is what is causing him to rather run away from me.

Is there really such a thing as a commitment phobic or is the reason for his behaviour only because he doesn''t like me that much? I am trying to support him, but I don''t know how.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maria is right. Anyone can have one relationship that fails. but after several, it does make excellent sense to see a counsellor and work towards understanding why, so as to be able to avoid the same problems recurring. He needs to work out his problems and not to inflict them on you, if he actually cares for you. His problems are highly likely to be about him, and not about you at all

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/03/23

I would guess that perhaps he is developing strong feelings for you and he is terrified of making a third mistake. Suggest that he goes for therapy to sort himself out. It is important that he must take a good long look at his failed relationships and determine why they failed and what he can do to prevent the same thing happening in the future. Unless he is willing to do this work and grow as a person, run, there is no future in the relationship.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/23

Maria is right. Anyone can have one relationship that fails. but after several, it does make excellent sense to see a counsellor and work towards understanding why, so as to be able to avoid the same problems recurring. He needs to work out his problems and not to inflict them on you, if he actually cares for you. His problems are highly likely to be about him, and not about you at all

Reply to cybershrink

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