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Question
Posted by: KC | 2010/05/18

Is there more to life...

A husband that loves you, cares for you, doesn''t cheat, doesn''t hit you, doesn''t go out drinking with his buddies, and gets along with your family. That is what all women want in their men right?

Then why, even though I have all the above in my husband, I am still so unbelievably bored, unfulfilled and lonely in the relationship.

I sometimes feel that I just want to break free from it all, even if it means I have to spend the rest of my life alone.

Some of the things that bug me:

•  There is no passion (we have never had a proper fight in 10 years). I honestly think we are better friends than lovers and have even told him that.

•  I study and have a good job at a big firm. He is content with a job at a small firm with no opportunity for growth. He does nothing to develop himself.

•  He is not interested in sex anymore (we probably have sex once a month –  if that –  and then only when we have had too much to drink).

•  We never discuss feelings or problems. We rather sit and stare at the TV for a whole night, even if the one knows the other one has something on their mind. You just never ask because tomorrow is a new day, right?

•  I have always dreamed about travelling. He is not interested and we will probably never have money to go either. There is always something else that needs to be done or paid.
The list goes on and on… .I am sure you have heard it all before.
And I also thing I know what you are going to say… .try this or that to get the flame going again. Why is it always the wife that has to make the sacrifices? Why can’ t men also take some of the responsibility? Or is it that they feel because they do all the things I have mentioned in my first paragraph that that should be enough. How dare you want more????

I don’ t know hey, I am beginning to understand why so many modern women these days end up being alone. This cannot be what life is all about… 

PS. We are both in our 30s, been married for 10 years and have no kids.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It sounds as though there are some basic differences between you two in your outlook on life and your expectations and ambitions - but these were surely always there, so I wonder why it has become obvious to you only now ? Marriage counselling could help to see whether these irritations can be remedied, and to enable both of you to make a better-informed decision about the future. Don't start living an independent life while still married though, as that's not fair to either of you

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7
Our users say:
Posted by: flower | 2010/05/19

maybe it is time for you guys to start a family....... maybe this is the next big step for you two.

Reply to flower
Posted by: I think | 2010/05/19

Vrye Denker u have serious issues and u need help idiot.. KC have u ever discuss this with ur husband? Maybe it time u do that, and also try to make first move, like u know u want to travel, come with some brouchers of places and discuss it with him and if he doesnt want to go then get friends who are interested and go with them.

Even if u r married u still an individual, u didnt come on earth with ur hubby, u hve ur own dreams and need to fullfil before u leave this earth.

Reply to I think
Posted by: Vrye Denker | 2010/05/18

You are a bitch. Seeing as you have no kids, you might as well et a divorce so that you can have that fling you long for and he can get a wife who doesn''t blurt out his non-problems for the world to see.

Reply to Vrye Denker
Posted by: Maria | 2010/05/18

Has your husband always been like this, or has he changed? If he changed at some point perhaps he is suffering from depression or some other illness?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: slr | 2010/05/18

i am female, single, and make enough to take a 4-week trip overseas every year.

it is fantastic!

but: sitting alone in my townhouse, watching tv, no-one to talk to the rest of the year....that is horrible.

you probably can''t have it all

Reply to slr
Posted by: Married Too | 2010/05/18

Considering you have no kids , I would say go out there and spread your wings, find out what excites you and do it , you have this life to make the most of so dont waste anytime.
Start this new adventure knowing that in 20 years time when all the exciting things have been done and said you may just well be alone and be okay with that.

Reply to Married Too
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/18

It sounds as though there are some basic differences between you two in your outlook on life and your expectations and ambitions - but these were surely always there, so I wonder why it has become obvious to you only now ? Marriage counselling could help to see whether these irritations can be remedied, and to enable both of you to make a better-informed decision about the future. Don't start living an independent life while still married though, as that's not fair to either of you

Reply to cybershrink

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