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Question
Posted by: Patricia | 2010-04-14

Is there medication that can solve this and soon?

You know me from before. Your help has always been enough to calm me down and I''ve been trying not to spend money on a psychologist. But now things are really difficult.

I''m that person who moved to Canada because of someone who I then found out was married. I didn''t go back to my country though and continued with my job as a nanny and got a new boyfriend who makes me happy and who I love so much but who''s depressed, which can be hard at times. And I want to stay here in the future, but my parents don''t know and won''t react well.

I had depression when I was 15 (now I''m 25) but I managed to find a way to control it until now. The thing now is that I got insomnia 2 weeks ago. I lost entire nights of sleep and got tired and confused. And then the other day someone told me my cat had died. I went to check and it was someone else''s, but I ended up being the one who moved it to the sidewalk because we were all adults and all scared to touch it and it was all very disturbing, especially because I had no idea someone (me included) could be scared to touch a dead cat. For a day, everyone thought I was losing my mind. And the last straw was yesterday. I agreed to take care of a child that is friends with the two children I''m responsible for. So basically the child is moving to a school close to us, and I''ll be taking her to school, picking her up, feeding her etc. All day long. (Her parents and my employers decided so because I speak German and can teach her some German). I agreed to do that and the child has been enrolled in the new school now. But yesterday I spent my frist day with her and she''s way too much to take. It''s a good challenge too, but ''ll have to do this for a year and I''m wondering how I''ll be able to. Then it''s a deal that means I''ll get the same as one extra hour of work per day but I''ll have such intense work and maybe I''ll end up working 5 hours too many like yesterday. I really need the money though, because I''m poor and I get minimum wage. So I''m struggling. I can''t sleep enough at the moment and I feel as if I can''t do this. I''m sooooo tired, I have no time for myself and keep having thoughts like kicking a mirror and cutting myself with the glass. I''m not dangerous to other people, but I am a hazard to myself right now. I think of every possible self-destructive idea. Even falling down the stairs on my back and breaking into pieces.

What I need is something that keeps me from having such thoughts. Councelling won''t work because talking about problems only makes me more confused and I regret everything I share with people. I feel like I''m mental and I don''t want to. The other day I threw a glass and my boyfriend cleaned up after me. He was so supportive but I felt like a baby who can''t do anything. i just felt like I''m so sick. Sometimes I wish I was locked with other sick people, where everyone''s the same and I don''t need to worry about what others think. BUT I''m so afraid that seeking help will make them kick me out of the country. Especially because I work with kids. They might think I''m not safe. But I am. I never let anything show in front of the kids. This happens mainly when I''m alone or with my boyfriend (not because he triggers it, it''s just because I have nothing to hide from him). How likely is it that I''ll be sent out of the country for this, if I seek help? And also would medication solve most of the problem?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Patricia,
More money would be understandably welcome, but it sounds like the committment expected is more than officially recognized, leading to almost 2 jobs for the price of one and a bit. Resist that mirror and cutting option, which you well know will not improve the situation at all, and is likely to complicate it considerably.
Sounds like you find it difficult to accept help from someone else, even when you need it and deserve it. If you envisage a situation such as you describe as being in hospital, where you don't have to care about what others think - that freedom isn't really a characteristic of the hospitalization, and if you could manage to be more relaxed and free there, you could potentially achieve that while going about your ordinary life, as well.
The fact that you never let any of your distress show when you're with kids, shows how much control you can have over this, and you could, then, apply this control to all times and places, too.
I doubt that medication would "solve most of the problem", but it could help. I don't think that seeking proper help would risk your being sent out of the country - the docs you see would have a professional obligation to maintain confidentiality unless you are actually planning major mayhem !
And thank you for being kind to the poor cat - congratulations on having the srength to do so.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Patricia | 2010-04-14

Just to make it clear, the thing about the cat.. what I mean is that we all were cat owners, who obviously love cats, each trying to see if it was their cat.. And then the fear we had of the dead cat felt so wrong. The reason why I carried it myself was because otherwise I wouldn''t be able to forgive myself for being afraid to touch him.

Reply to Patricia
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-14

Hi Patricia,
More money would be understandably welcome, but it sounds like the committment expected is more than officially recognized, leading to almost 2 jobs for the price of one and a bit. Resist that mirror and cutting option, which you well know will not improve the situation at all, and is likely to complicate it considerably.
Sounds like you find it difficult to accept help from someone else, even when you need it and deserve it. If you envisage a situation such as you describe as being in hospital, where you don't have to care about what others think - that freedom isn't really a characteristic of the hospitalization, and if you could manage to be more relaxed and free there, you could potentially achieve that while going about your ordinary life, as well.
The fact that you never let any of your distress show when you're with kids, shows how much control you can have over this, and you could, then, apply this control to all times and places, too.
I doubt that medication would "solve most of the problem", but it could help. I don't think that seeking proper help would risk your being sent out of the country - the docs you see would have a professional obligation to maintain confidentiality unless you are actually planning major mayhem !
And thank you for being kind to the poor cat - congratulations on having the srength to do so.

Reply to cybershrink

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