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Question
Posted by: J | 2011/10/07

Is she suffering from delusional disorder?? PLS help

Good day,

I really need some rather unique psychological advice. I recently met a woman (we are both 30) she fell pregnant after two months of being together. Now I do realize that it was a serious lapse of judgement on my part however the fact that she is pregnant on its own is not the problem.

From the beginning I suspected that something was not right with her put I could not put my finger on it, it was rather a gut feeling I had. It started the first week when we met where she would blame (serious anger and serious name calling) me for cheating on someone physically even if I just went to the bathroom (the person she refers to lives about a 100 miles away). I should have opt-out here and left.

However I decided to give her a second chance and finally what happened a month later during her bday party shocked everybody there. She''d point to a location and say " see there he (thats me) is kissing that woman"  (a friend she broad along which I never met) and where she pointed nothing happened, the people was shocked as to how she could see something that is not there. When this happened I was in the entertainment room with about 25 other people. To this day she never changed the story, she keeps believing it is true though there is no evidence at all.

After she found out that the blood results came back positive she started to ignore me completely, removing me from her life so to speak... the reason being that I cheated on her with so many woman. I have never cheated, never even given her a reason to believe that I am... I even went to far as to not even talk to other woman.

Even after she told me (verbally and written) that I shall have nothing to do with her or the unborn child (and when born) she''d sent me an sms from her phone making it look like someone else is sending the message mentioning how beautiful of person she is and so forth.

Strangely this scenario (almost verbatim) played out with another guy as well (but the baby was still-born. At first I thought how can a guy do this but now I realize that it was not the guy but her, as she was blaming him for cheating as well. She is slandering my name as far as she goes.

What I need to know is what sort illness (or disorder) is this? What am I to do? Should I be concerned about my safety (I have ignored her ever since Tuesday).

I perhaps need to mention that she has been raped at the age of 16 and neglected by her father (which is now gay), parents of course divorced.

I have never met such a individual, I cannot verify anything of her past, she mentions she still have the ashes of the previous baby, yet there is none. She believes she dated a very popular singer but there is no evidence for backing this up.

I am awe struck, ANY advice would really be much appreciated. Excuse my grammar and spelling, english is not my native language

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Certainly the rapid and unplanned pregnancy is regrettable and still a problem. However you raise other issues as well. And if indeed she is unstable as you reasonably expect, this illustrates another reason for people to be far more cautious than they usually choose to be, about carelessly creating pregnancies - not only is a pregnancy an added challenge to someone who may be already challenged, and could be unhelpful to her mental health, but if she is suffering from some varieties of disorder, there could be additional risks for the coming child, too.
Second choices need to be earned, rather than just randomly allocated, too. You seem to be describing someone deluded, and even possibly hallucinating, and paranoid. Her comments sound as though they have so little reliable relationship with objective truth, that you can't assume anything she says about her past or present is true - or, indeed, that it is false.
One problem is that even if she is significantly mentally disturbed and unwell ( and could grow more so during or following a pregnancy ) unless she becomes grossly and obviously disturbed, such that she can be clearly seen as a risk to herself or others ( including you or the baby ) it won't be practical to enforce the assessment and treatment she may very well need.
It may also be worth getting good legal advice. It may be important, especially if she continues with the pregnancy and gives birth, to assert your rights as biofather through the courts, apart from your personal wishes and interests, but also to be able to protect the child from her possibly deluded beliefs and behaviours. It is possible that in the course of such a legal action, she might reveal her obcure and worying mental state actually in court, and this could posibly be used so as to have a court order her to enter a hospital for psychiatric observation and assessment, and even treatment, if this is deemed necessary.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mieki | 2011/10/08

i do not want to sound like a wiseass, but I am studying psychology and i can agree with you about having a delusional , not to mention hallusinational disorder. You get them all combined in a fruit coctail called paranoid schizophrenia. My dad also have it ,he used 2 belief that he was being followed and that my cellphone served as a tracking devse. You also get comorbit personality disordrs which originate from a traumatic childhood event. Your not alone but get away while you can !

Reply to mieki
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/08

Certainly the rapid and unplanned pregnancy is regrettable and still a problem. However you raise other issues as well. And if indeed she is unstable as you reasonably expect, this illustrates another reason for people to be far more cautious than they usually choose to be, about carelessly creating pregnancies - not only is a pregnancy an added challenge to someone who may be already challenged, and could be unhelpful to her mental health, but if she is suffering from some varieties of disorder, there could be additional risks for the coming child, too.
Second choices need to be earned, rather than just randomly allocated, too. You seem to be describing someone deluded, and even possibly hallucinating, and paranoid. Her comments sound as though they have so little reliable relationship with objective truth, that you can't assume anything she says about her past or present is true - or, indeed, that it is false.
One problem is that even if she is significantly mentally disturbed and unwell ( and could grow more so during or following a pregnancy ) unless she becomes grossly and obviously disturbed, such that she can be clearly seen as a risk to herself or others ( including you or the baby ) it won't be practical to enforce the assessment and treatment she may very well need.
It may also be worth getting good legal advice. It may be important, especially if she continues with the pregnancy and gives birth, to assert your rights as biofather through the courts, apart from your personal wishes and interests, but also to be able to protect the child from her possibly deluded beliefs and behaviours. It is possible that in the course of such a legal action, she might reveal her obcure and worying mental state actually in court, and this could posibly be used so as to have a court order her to enter a hospital for psychiatric observation and assessment, and even treatment, if this is deemed necessary.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/10/07

Liza and Anne are spot on but do not make any move untill u have sought legal advice!
This situation must be managed extremly carefully.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Anne | 2011/10/07

You can stop the slander by getting an interdict against her, for the rest, I agree with Liza 100% .

Good luck, it seems a terrible situation.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: Liza | 2011/10/07

I do want to suggest that you have a DNA test done to make sure the child is yours. Frequently, when a partner accuses the other of cheating, it''s because they feel guilty about their own cheating.

This woman definitely does not sound like a fit mother. If the baby is yours, I want to suggest that you try and get full custody - for the childs'' sake. To this end, it will help your case if you can gather evidence and eye witness affidavits about her delusional behavior.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Fas | 2011/10/07

Go to the internet and do a research about this desease : Schizophrenia I think your lady has this

Reply to Fas
Posted by: J | 2011/10/07

Thank you all for the replies, trust me it will never happen again, and I too wish nature can take care of this and how cruel it may sound that child is bound to have some genetic disposition and will likely grow up having similar issues. In fact she has driven me too a point where I do not actually want this child (which is strange cause I do want a child)... but I guess we will have to see in the months to come what happens... too me she does not exist anymore.

I needed clarity so that I can wash this away and put it behind my back. Yet I will play this one safe and by the book. Because of her illness which is so severe I want to be part of nothing.

Reply to J
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/10/07

See a lawyer re custody maintenance your personal safety etc. play this by the book -things will get nasty.
In future do not have sex with any woman you are not prepared to have a child with - never haveunprotected sex. you have learned a hard lesson and can only live with the consequences.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Ella | 2011/10/07

Sjoe! Plenty of issues and pathology here. For some reason us ''bright'' and reasonable people keep on trying to fix something (a relationship) when its clear that its not fixable. Not blaming you at all. Just such a pity she is pregnant as she will no doubt use the pregnancy in every possible way to drive you to the brink of absolute madness.
I know its wrong to say and I will be harshly judged by a lot of people here - however, she is not a fit mother or a fit anything for that matter and hopefully nature will take care of it before she gives birth. The poor baby doesn''t stand a chance anyway to grow up happy, secure and loved. I do apologise for being so harsh.
Unfortunately that will be the only way out for you.

Reply to Ella

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