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Question
Posted by: Evil Stepmom | 2009-01-21

Is Rent for children too much?

Dear Doc

My husband' s 2 sons, age 23 and 25 moved in with us over a year ago. They both work, earn more then R5000 a month each,and pay R500 rent p/m, since they' ve started working. I have a good relationship with both of them. However, i' m beginning to think me and hubby might have a problem. I dont know if i' m just selfish and inconsiderate, that' s why i want advice. Before they moved In ,it was only me, my husband, and our daughther of 15. My husband is still finacially taking care of everything, as i am a housewife. It never was a problem for him before, but now he really struggles finacially, so much so that , against his wishes,i' m seriously seeking for a job, just to help him pay the bills. I tried talking to him to increase the 2 boys' s rent, but he just says that things will get better, and that they also have their bills to pay. But pls help me here: These kids both have their own seperate bedrooms, they use our vehicles, they eat everyday,whether i cook or not, i do their washing, they take lunch to work, but wont even buy bread or washing powder if there' s isnt any, they would rather much wait till i finally decide to buy it. Our water& electricity acc is over R1200 each month, which hubby has to pay on his own. Hubby even pays for the cars damages whenever they bumped it. They dont do anything in or around the house to help me or my husband, but still they use all our facilities available. Hubby n me cant even afford to treat ourselves anymore, where they on the other hand can afford all sorts of expensive luxeries and trips.We' re staying in Pretoria for 3years now, and from what i' ve heard, people r paying +- R3500 in our area just for a 1 bedroom flat. Please dont get me wrong, i really love these 2 children, but i do feel they r adults now, and i feel they would never face their responsibilities as long as we keep on spoiling them like this, However doc, if u really think i' m just a selfish mother, and moan over nothing, i' d find another way to solve this problem, as i really dont want to ruin my relationship with my stepchildren nor my husband, and that' s exactly what i think will happen if i confront this issue with hubby again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why did they move in with you rather than getting their own places, separately or together ? They're old enough to do so. Why is your husband now struggling financially, if he had no problems before ? Are the boys costing more than they payn ? IF so, tell them their rent must go up to meet costs, or they can find their own place. No point in allowing them to eat you out of house and home. If its the general financial situation that's causing the problems, then still they should contribute more --- if they were staying at a hotel and the costs went up to the hotel, their room rate would go up --- the hotel wouldn't go bankrupt just to suit their convenience.
I don't undertand your husband's atitude. If the boys stay with you and everything is provided for them, --- WHAT bills do they also have to pay ? And drink and entertainment bills don't count as an excuse.
No way they shoud use your vehicles without paying extra for that. And they must pay in full for any damages they cause --- otherwise why would they even need to drive safely. Of course they should share the chores round the house, just as they would have to if they were living non their own. The amount they're paing is ridiculously low --- they'd find it hard to find a hotel room for less than R 500 a night, let alone a month,.
You're being sensible, not selfish, and he is spoiling them ridiculously. Why does he feel so guilty and responsible for this pair of irrecp[onsible adults ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: dk | 2009-01-22

They should be paying more. Maybe sit down with them, look at their budgets and recalculate. Be upfront with them about what you guys are paying to run the household - that is the only way they will understand. Adult children who have never known the value of money will always be like that until they either move out into their own place or you come clean with them about the actual household costs. They need to take responsibility and help around the house. It is not fair for them to have a free ride

Reply to dk
Posted by: Spoilt | 2009-01-21

I have a 19 year old son who works part time in a bar. He is a full time student. He pays me R100 per week for his rent. How can grown men who earn good salaries pay R500? That does not even cover their food! First of all your husband must put his foot down. He did his part, now it is their turn to get up and look after themselves. They are grown men for goodness sake. This will never stop unless your husband puts an end to it for them. You are being taken advantage of and you are definitely not selfish. They can get a two bedroomed flat and share the costs between the two of them - BUT is is easier to get dad to do all the work for them. They are lazy - jeez, if you don' t stop it now, they will stay until they are 40! Don' t they have girlfriends? I won' t date a guy who still stays with dad and mom at that age. No kick them out and let them take care of themselves. Nothing " bad"  will happen to them and the boogyman won' t bite them. Talk to your hubby (who sounds like a wonderful, caring dad) busy killing himself because of two very lazy sons.

Reply to Spoilt

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