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Question
Posted by: AFN | 2010/09/17

IS MY HUSBAND BIPOLAR?

BELOW IS AN EXTRACT I FOUND ON THE INTERNET AND IT DESCRIBES MY HUSBAND PERFECTLY. My question is: we are NOT on speaking terms right now due to a huge fight monday evening. we haven''t spoken since. if he indeed is bipolar, how do i even approach him with the possibility? I just want a calm life, please help.

" How do you handle it when your spouse is always, always accusing you of everything. He can go from being wonderful one minute and in 30 minutes he is ready to kill me? My husband has said that when he gets angry with me, he actually feels fury. Most of the time he is angry over things that seem so small and insignificant. He has his own distorted beliefs about me, and will hold on to them even though they are all lies(such as I am not attracted to him).

There is nothing I can say or do to convince him otherwise. He is hypercritical, belligerent, loud, and always seem to be waiting for something to be pissed off about. His major fear is being abandoned. I have explained to him hundreds of times, when you curse at me(anytime, place any reason), I do not want to be in this type of relationship. He is mad 90% of the time, and nice about 5% and waiting for a reason to go ballistic the other 5%. I have cried myself to sleep so many nights. I feel like crap, because he cannot see that I do not initiate the fights or arguments. I care about him, but everyday that he treats me cruel, I want to leave. I moved 1000 miles to be with him so he could go to college. I left everything behind, family, friends, great job, including my high school daughter, sold my home, etc. to be by his side. He does not see it as a big deal now. Because he moved too. But moving this far was not my idea. It was his dream.

The time we dated he was sweeter than a honey. Now, I can barely get through two days without his anger and sarcasm. Please give me advice. I am now taking medication because of all the anxiety of waiting for him to explode. My son (8yrs old) moved with me and has seen him treat me like crap. He has also seen me cry so much that he even wants to deal with him. His bipolar was supposed have been brought on because he found his wife of almost 20 years in bed with another man. He had a break down and attempted suicide. I figure someone like that would understand the pain of cheating and would never cheat on me, however, I was wrong. He did once. I never got help in dealing with what happened because I moved. So on top of the infidelity I have to deal with being treated worse than an animal. Part of me thinks he wants self fulfilling prophecy of being abandoned by treating me so bad. He claims he doesn''t know he is doing it, yet I am always hurt, in pain, crying in the corner and begging him to be nice to me consistently.

How can someone love you and treat you worse than they ever treated anyone in their entire life? His buddy of 20 years cheated him out of more than $30,000 and he has not told him how he feels, but if I fall asleep in the living room he goes out of his mind. How come I get all the anger directed at me, yet he cannot say a bad word about his ex or exbest buddy? I want to leave if he is doing all this intentionally. If he isn''t I will once try to deal with him and his disorder. I don''t have that much love for him that I will continue to be treated like an unwanted animal while he still has respect for people who have intentionally done him harm. He takes lithium from what he says, I cannot believe anything he says though. When he sees his psychiatrist he never tells him the whole story just the part about how I always complain about him and always put him down, when I am only telling him how painful his behaviors make me feel. Please help." 

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This doesn't sound like Bipolar Disorder, and more like a personality disorder, perhaps exaggerated in how it expresses itself
In Bipolar Disordeer, there are episodes when the mood moves down into a severe depression, and on other occasions, up into a hypmanic mood, each lasting for a significant number of days, even months. It is NOT a condition that explains someone having an unpredictably and very rapidly changeable mood.
But I don't know what we are dealing with here - if I understood what you said, you have not sent a description of your actual husband, but a copy of what someone else said, describing someone else. Why don't you write about your OWN experience of your OWN husband ?
And Bipolar Disorder is NOT, EVER, caused by finding your spouse in bed with someone else, though obviously that would be very upsetting and could cause other problems. A dificulty with Bipolar Disorder is that the mood swings occur for chemical reasons, and not in respopnse to easily recognizeable events in daily life.
It sounds as though the person being described is misleading his psychiatrist, and we don't know what diagnosis has actually been made, or what treatment has actually been given.



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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/18

This doesn't sound like Bipolar Disorder, and more like a personality disorder, perhaps exaggerated in how it expresses itself
In Bipolar Disordeer, there are episodes when the mood moves down into a severe depression, and on other occasions, up into a hypmanic mood, each lasting for a significant number of days, even months. It is NOT a condition that explains someone having an unpredictably and very rapidly changeable mood.
But I don't know what we are dealing with here - if I understood what you said, you have not sent a description of your actual husband, but a copy of what someone else said, describing someone else. Why don't you write about your OWN experience of your OWN husband ?
And Bipolar Disorder is NOT, EVER, caused by finding your spouse in bed with someone else, though obviously that would be very upsetting and could cause other problems. A dificulty with Bipolar Disorder is that the mood swings occur for chemical reasons, and not in respopnse to easily recognizeable events in daily life.
It sounds as though the person being described is misleading his psychiatrist, and we don't know what diagnosis has actually been made, or what treatment has actually been given.



Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: two-stone | 2010/09/17

Oef, I really feel for you! My wife is reasonably similar, although not 100% as bad. I have learnt the following: They do not always know/admit to this disorder and often when she has shouted at me, for the smallest thing, will deny having even raised her voice when we speak about it later. She is on Prozac and although it has helped a lot, it does not go away. We broke up a few times in our early relationship until I finally told her the only way I would try again was to seek counselling, together. I then told her, in front of the Cousellor, that she had to promise to go on Prozac for the rest of our lives together, or we were history. Bipolar people are dangerous! I would give your husband an ultimatum and if he does not agree - leave. Good luck!

Reply to two-stone

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