advertisement
Question
Posted by: worried mommy | 2011/07/25

Is my child being abused?

Hi doc...welcome back!
Ok....the thing is this: My little one, aged 3yr said yesterday, out of the blue: Daddy peed on my face...he is bad, he makes me very angry...I don''''t like him. In front of my husband. We were both very surprised....My husband loves this little boy very much. My husband says he doesn''''t know about anything and that I musn''''t make to big deal of it. I''''m confused...do I just leave this as child talk or do I take him to a therapist for assessment...I can''''t risk the chance of my husband being accused of child abuse...how do they prove that such a little child is talking the truth?
With this being said...my oldest son(aged 7 yr) started acting out badly the last 3 months...aggression, depression, anxiety, ect. Has been seen by a child psichiatrist...been diagnosed with ODD and anxiety, been put on meds now...much better. But just before this ODD behavior started me and my husband had a huge family fight....because I found porn and dating sites on the internet....my hb felt that if I don''t trust him he will leave...and almost did...the 2 boys witnessed all this terrible fighting....Later it turned out that the internet porn things were my son exploring the internet...his older friends told him about the sites. Since then my oldest son was very interested in his private parts....I even caught him in the bath with his brother, where his brother were kissing his privates ect....I got the impression the oldest was telling little one what to do. My little one also told me yesterday that his brother peed on his chest and arms in the bath, but because his language skills is so poor, it''s difficult to know what he is saying...he will also say stuff like I will poo on your head, the dog peed on my face ect.
Please advise me...I don''t want to distroy my lovely husband, our relationship, but I also have a responsibility to protect my little boy who witnissed all the aggression and temper meltdowns of his brother!

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wasn't back! They opened the forum much too early !
Anyway. An upsetting event, and not easy to assess. Its not so much an issue of testing the truth of what the child said, but understanding what he meant. As you know, all couples fight, but fighting in front of the children is ALWAYS a really bad idea.
What is happening between the children shouldn't lead to panic, as it can be part of ordinary child experimentation which most of the time we aren't aware of. But your later comments sound like the younger one talks spontaneously of peeing or pooing on people, or vice versa, as a sort of swear word, as a way of indicating anger, rather than actually with its literal meaning. That is the most likely significance of his comment about his father - that he at times feels angry and chooses the ugliest image he can think of to indicate this.
Having him calmly assessed by the child shrink you saw his brother ( and who presumably therefore understands the family dynamics ) might well be useful, to help you all to calm down and understand each other better.

Sorry for the delay in responding, but my instructions were ignored. This forum was supposed to be CLOSED to all messages throughout Thursday 21st and right through Monday 25th and only to re-open on Tuesday 26th. As my instructions were ignored I am horrified to discover a very large number of questions that should not have been possible to post, which have of course been unanswered while I was away. This makes me very angry and disappointed. I will try to respond as best I can, though very long message cannot possibly achieve full attention.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

8
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/26

I wasn't back! They opened the forum much too early !
Anyway. An upsetting event, and not easy to assess. Its not so much an issue of testing the truth of what the child said, but understanding what he meant. As you know, all couples fight, but fighting in front of the children is ALWAYS a really bad idea.
What is happening between the children shouldn't lead to panic, as it can be part of ordinary child experimentation which most of the time we aren't aware of. But your later comments sound like the younger one talks spontaneously of peeing or pooing on people, or vice versa, as a sort of swear word, as a way of indicating anger, rather than actually with its literal meaning. That is the most likely significance of his comment about his father - that he at times feels angry and chooses the ugliest image he can think of to indicate this.
Having him calmly assessed by the child shrink you saw his brother ( and who presumably therefore understands the family dynamics ) might well be useful, to help you all to calm down and understand each other better.

Sorry for the delay in responding, but my instructions were ignored. This forum was supposed to be CLOSED to all messages throughout Thursday 21st and right through Monday 25th and only to re-open on Tuesday 26th. As my instructions were ignored I am horrified to discover a very large number of questions that should not have been possible to post, which have of course been unanswered while I was away. This makes me very angry and disappointed. I will try to respond as best I can, though very long message cannot possibly achieve full attention.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: worried mommy | 2011/07/25

2cents.....I agree. My husband says that sometimes when he go to the toilet my little son is very curious about his dad...you know...the size, what he is doing exct. So my husband even thought maybe it could have happened that by accident without him realizing it he wet his face or something silly like this....while the little one, being a little boy were watching.

Reply to worried mommy
Posted by: Worried mom | 2011/07/25

I agree...I do feel guilty regarding the internet.....but I didn''t ever expected my oldest son to even know how to spel the words that I saw on the internet.....This happened when my oldest son were sick from school that day and it acccured while I took his little brother to creche!
The other thing is that I never knew that a child that I didn''t even know went with to another friends house, who I know, and showed this for the little ones on that childs mom internet...After me and my son had a long talk he now knows to come and tell me when other kids does stuff like this! I can''t keep my son locked up in the house all day...And just for the record...|I''m one of those hovering, protective parents...not the type that leave their child up to himself!

Reply to Worried mom
Posted by: 2cents | 2011/07/25

Why does everything has to be abuse. What if there is an explanation other than abuse? just open your mind to all possibilities and get to the bottom of this. It is obviously worrying you to an extent that you posted. Always follow your instincts. I really hope it is something else other than the abuse mentioned above.

Reply to 2cents
Posted by: Caro | 2011/07/25

The child has been abused in the sense that he was probably exposed to pornographic material by someone - probably your older child who was then also abused by this exposure. Both of them are too young to be left alone with a computer with internet access and it is the parents"  responsibility to see to it that they do not have access to these sites. Your younger child may have seen an older male doing this to someone on the internet or been told by your older son (who really is too young too to be blamed) and has now deferred these actions to you husband whom he remembers as the " baddie"  during your fights.I am sorry to say and hope I dont sound judgmental but YOU and your husband are then guilty of neglect, firstly by having such big fights in front of your children and by letting them gain access to the internet.
I know that you''d like to rectify the situaion - so take both children to a psychologist, keep computer access limited to when you are aroound.

If it turns out that it is your husband who is abusing, the expert should be able to ascertain this as well. Have you in any case ever previously suspected your husband of anything? Being honest will protect your children. The damage, once done, can never be rectified but there are survivors (like me) but we always bear the scars.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Unique | 2011/07/25

I don''t think he is making this up. I think something is going on. Don''t rush into accusing your husband, rather have them assessed by an expert. They have away of assessing whether a child is abused or not. They use pictures. Even if your husband is guilty he will NEVER admit it *talking from experience*.

Reply to Unique
Posted by: Worried mommy | 2011/07/25

I asked him...was it your brother or daddy...he said daddy...even giving him a differt special name (first said ''pappa'' then ''paps'')
No I don''t think it could be another adult male...because I''m always at home and only leaves him with his dad sometimes....he goes to creche only in the mornings....but as far as I know they are being observed very closely....only 10 children, 1 teacher and issistant at a private home.
Strange he also said that his brother saw daddy doing this and shouted ''stop, stop'', but when I asked my oldest he said he doesn''t know of anything....(he usually knows that we don''t have secrets....gave him the whole abuse-tell-mommy- lecture before).

Reply to Worried mommy
Posted by: unique | 2011/07/25

At this age do you know for sure that when he says daddy he means daddy. At a certain age - they say daddy to any adult male person.I think someone might be abusing him but it''s difficult to say who.

Reply to unique

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement