Our expert says:
I wasn't back! They opened the forum much too early !
Anyway. An upsetting event, and not easy to assess. Its not so much an issue of testing the truth of what the child said, but understanding what he meant. As you know, all couples fight, but fighting in front of the children is ALWAYS a really bad idea.
What is happening between the children shouldn't lead to panic, as it can be part of ordinary child experimentation which most of the time we aren't aware of. But your later comments sound like the younger one talks spontaneously of peeing or pooing on people, or vice versa, as a sort of swear word, as a way of indicating anger, rather than actually with its literal meaning. That is the most likely significance of his comment about his father - that he at times feels angry and chooses the ugliest image he can think of to indicate this.
Having him calmly assessed by the child shrink you saw his brother ( and who presumably therefore understands the family dynamics ) might well be useful, to help you all to calm down and understand each other better.
Sorry for the delay in responding, but my instructions were ignored. This forum was supposed to be CLOSED to all messages throughout Thursday 21st and right through Monday 25th and only to re-open on Tuesday 26th. As my instructions were ignored I am horrified to discover a very large number of questions that should not have been possible to post, which have of course been unanswered while I was away. This makes me very angry and disappointed. I will try to respond as best I can, though very long message cannot possibly achieve full attention.
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