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Question
Posted by: simon | 2012/03/12

Is my boyfriend disgusted with me?

Hi doc,

I''m gay, and my boyfriend and I trust each other enough to have unprotected sex with each other.

i know gay sex can be quite technical in terms of preparation, but i''d just like some on the following please...

my boyfriend and i have sex quite a bit. thing is, immediately after sex, he will rush to the bathroom to wash down there, or shower. i''ve done enough prep to make sure that i''m clean, but i actually feel really unattractive/disgusting/dirty. i think he is a bit of a " germaphobe" .

same sort of thing happened when i came up from down there, and wanted to kiss him... he subtly turned away. i was then immediately turned off.

i really don''t know if this is something i''m doing. if i''m not attractive enough or dirty... please help. how can i address this? i''ve tried talking before, but he gets really defensive and irritated.

please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

It is important for all couples to appreciate that they will share certain turn ons and turn offs and that there will also always be certain turn ons and turn offs you do not share. It is quite possible, be it a concern with germs, or be it the taste, smell or how it feels on his skin, or just be his mental associations with kissing you after being rimmed by you or once you have finished having sex the smells and or textures of ejaculate on or in your bodies etc. that for him he prefers to shower immediately after sex and not to kiss after being rimmed.

You are interpreting his behaviour as a reflection of your attractiveness and cleanliness and personalising it, which is understandable. Yet it is possible that what really lies behind his behavior is merely about his own personal preferences and in no way a reflection on you.

It will be important for the two of you to talk this through in a non-confrontational and open way. To give you the opportunity to express how you are interpreting what is happening and how it makes you feel and for him to express what this is about for him. Once you have clarity you are in a space to discuss how as a couple you will deal with this, from a place of mutual understanding.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/03/14

It is important for all couples to appreciate that they will share certain turn ons and turn offs and that there will also always be certain turn ons and turn offs you do not share. It is quite possible, be it a concern with germs, or be it the taste, smell or how it feels on his skin, or just be his mental associations with kissing you after being rimmed by you or once you have finished having sex the smells and or textures of ejaculate on or in your bodies etc. that for him he prefers to shower immediately after sex and not to kiss after being rimmed.

You are interpreting his behaviour as a reflection of your attractiveness and cleanliness and personalising it, which is understandable. Yet it is possible that what really lies behind his behavior is merely about his own personal preferences and in no way a reflection on you.

It will be important for the two of you to talk this through in a non-confrontational and open way. To give you the opportunity to express how you are interpreting what is happening and how it makes you feel and for him to express what this is about for him. Once you have clarity you are in a space to discuss how as a couple you will deal with this, from a place of mutual understanding.

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: a man | 2012/03/13

I cannot believe we have such ignorant people in this country such as " Bushe"  &  " Mingaz"  unbelievable!!!

Reply to a man

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