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Question
Posted by: Fusi | 2009/10/20

Is it still worth it

Hi all,

I love my GF of 1 and a half years very much. We were friends 4 years prior to the relationship. She used to work up here in JHB until she got an offer she could not resist in Bloem 3 months ago. Coz she' d never been to Bloem in her life, I asked my Sister and brother if she could stay with them till she' s found her ground (I know this naturally spels trouble, but it was for the good at the time)

Issues:
- Constantly complains about my siblings
- Is accused of being lazy, arrogant and selfish
- Had a huge argument with my brother the other day, tempers heated up, brother shoved her, she wanted to call the cops.

Proposed resolutions:
- Finds her own place and we continue the relationship
- Finds her own place, we give the relationship up (dont wanna be involved in a her v/s my family issue
- She moves back to JHB, coz I love her, hence I can tolerate her, they can' t

Can anyone out there please give me advice as to how I handle this????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its usually best where, as you describe, a close relationship grows out of a friendship. OK, so your relatives tried to help her when she first arived there - but if this is a good job, surely she can afford to, and should, by now have moved out into her own place ? Your assessment fo the options makes good sense.
These are options you may need to discuss with her, urgently, and this is complicated by the distance between you. Can't she re-visit Joburg so you can discuss this properly ?
I agree fully with Almost's suggestions ; not entirely with the commebnts. We must not assume your gf is blameless, as she sounds like she could be rather high-maintenance and fussy.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Fusi | 2009/10/20

I have always tolerated by brother' s bossiness and attitude. He did not have a right to behave the way he did with her. He has since apologised, but she says she wants nothing to do with him and If i want a future with her I should know that.

I love her, but her ' everyone is wrong except me attitude'  is really getting to me now.

And if a person loves me so much, why does she not mind putting me in a position where i have to choose between her and my brother???

Reply to Fusi
Posted by: Fusi | 2009/10/20

Thank you very much Almost. That' s good advise.

Reply to Fusi
Posted by: almost mad | 2009/10/20

I simply think she should find her own place. Maybe you should go up one weekend and help her look. If money is an issue she should share a place. I dont think you guys need to break up. It isnt easy to live with someones family, so just leave it at that. Dont let your family destroy your relationship. you can only decide if the relationship is worth it. be honest and decide if she is really worth the effort and does she love you the same as you love her. Also, no matter what, nobody has the right to push your girlfriend around, nomatter what.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/20

Its usually best where, as you describe, a close relationship grows out of a friendship. OK, so your relatives tried to help her when she first arived there - but if this is a good job, surely she can afford to, and should, by now have moved out into her own place ? Your assessment fo the options makes good sense.
These are options you may need to discuss with her, urgently, and this is complicated by the distance between you. Can't she re-visit Joburg so you can discuss this properly ?
I agree fully with Almost's suggestions ; not entirely with the commebnts. We must not assume your gf is blameless, as she sounds like she could be rather high-maintenance and fussy.

Reply to cybershrink

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