Our expert says:
I am sorry that your sexual relationship with your husband leaves you feeling so frustrated. It seems from what you describe that your husband has Premature Ejaculation meaning that he ejaculates very soon after penetration (or before) and finds it very difficult or impossible to prolong this. It can be very frustrating for partners but also can cause the person concerned to become more anxious and want to perhaps avoid being intimate at all for fear of failure. It would be a good idea for you to get help for this as a couple. It would be necessary to find out whether this has always been the case for him or whether he can at any stage delay ejaculation. It would be neccsary to rule out a medical condition which may contribute (eg. hyperthyroidism). Counsellling would be necessary to explain to him that it leaves you feeling frustrated and that you need to have stimulation, foreplay and even continued stimulation to orgasm eventhough he may have already ejaculated. There are techniques which can be taught which can perhaps delay ejaculation. This involves stopping movement before ejaculation occurs until greater control is learnt and time to ejaculation prolonged. You could also try to use a local anesthetic on the penis so that the sensations for him are not as strong. It may be a good idea for him to wear a condom so that this medication does not affect the sensations which you experience though. There are also medications which he could try. These are called SSRIs. They are traditionally used as antidepressants but are known to delay ejaculation and may help. You also need to have a discussion where you explain how you feel when he stares at other women and how it makes you feel. It is important that you are able to communicate these feelings to him in a sensitive way but you need to be able to explain how it makes you feel. For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
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