Posted by: Frustrated Girlfriend | 2009-01-18

Is it me or is my boyfriend useless??

Dear C.S (and readers)

I wasn' t really ready for a relationship after I broke off my engagement but my current boyfriend seemed like a the perfect gentleman and opposite to anything I' ve had before.

We have been together for over a year now and although we have a great sex life and spend time together as friends, the fundamental love is fading as I start to realise that this man isn' t really what I' m looking for.

I wanna know CS, if you think I' m sweating the small stuff here 
I do love this man and thought we could have a future together but lately Ive noticed things that really irk me:

Flossing in bed
Me nagging him to help around the house
Him NEVER washing the bath
Bad breath because of smoking and inconsideration for me when I mention that
Apathy at work
A kind of depressed attitude
Playing games all day at home and promising to help me clean up but never meeting me on that
Telling me he' s a ' drifter'  and that he' ll never make more money than what he is now
Doing dangerous things that I think he should reconsider and he' s being irresponsible (nothing major but driving 120 kms in the dark to get to work instead of making a plan to borrow a car?)

He seems to have no drive, no goals, no hobbies.
Is this me?? Am I being over expectant.

I dont wanna lose a good man but I' m losing respect.
How do i get over the resentment. Hes starting to disgust me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Apparently you wanted and needed a friend, but took a lover, instead.
Maybe continuing proximity is making you notice small points of irritation and allowing them to mount. Presumably this is exactly what they meant by the old saying that "Familiarity Breeds Contempt" Has he changed, or have you become more observant ? If you think there may be something worth saving, consider persuading him to join you in couples counselling ( which doesnt mean you thereafter HAVE to stay together, but at least enables you to make a more informed decision). HAve you tried to discuss this with hiom ( and he has presumably dfound small points of irritation with your habits too ) --- what does he say ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Um | 2009-01-19

Most/All men hate house chores and would rather play games than help with cleaning. That' s a fact and the sooner you accept that the better, you' ll just make yourself crazy with all the nagging. Think of alternative ways to ' motivate'  him to help more. Show immence appreciation for the things he does help with and if he does not clean up after himself, then you don' t either.

The no goals and ambition is something to really worry about though. No woman wants to spend her life with a man who cannot prove to be a good provider and ambitionless men have an immaturity about them that can really work on your nerves.

At the end of the day the decision lies with you. You can either give him a chance to recover from whatever it is that is keeping him from being the man (that you know he can be?), or you can walk out now. If you have now realised that you were not ready for the relationship to begin with, maybe it' s better if you start over and give yourself time and get ready for someone that will better fit your ' criteria'  for a life partner.

Good luck.

Reply to Um
Posted by: mjr | 2009-01-19

O-kay now, will you let it go sounds to me like you are falling out of love....the issues you have raised are not catastrophical if you ask me....and you are not being too expectant...they can be resolved maybe not overnight...perhaps you tell him you feel and you what you intent doing if the behaviour continues, and also try to be patient and see things from his side, he is but a man, soyes we can be clumsy that is why when you are still way in love with us, you don' t notice that...

Had you noticed and corrected from the beggining, you would not have this kind of a problem.

Reply to mjr
Posted by: Listen up girl | 2009-01-19

What a creep ! Why waste your time with him ? There are a lot of great guys out there. You' ve got but one life lovey don' t waste it !
Remember this, LOVE is giving 100%, NEVER taking, just GIVING. Anyone who does not practice this is just a selfish,me,me,me person. IF you ever decide to hitch up to this loser and have kids, ask you self, is THIS the role model you want for them ?? Make a move babe and do it NOW !!

Reply to Listen up girl
Posted by: Not a jerk | 2009-01-18

doesnt sound like a good man to me, more like a bum... why do women always fall for jerks?

Reply to Not a jerk

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