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Question
Posted by: Depressed | 2011/07/12

Is it me or is he abusing me?

Hello,<br><br>I am 28 weeks pregnant and don''t feel like having sex or being intimate at all. I know it is normal in pregnancy and told baby daddy but he doesnt listen. I''ve tried everything, printed some articles for him, taken him to my doc so that he can explain what is happening but still he doesnt get it.

When he starts touching me and I say no, he moves his hand to another part of my body and it goes on and on until I get really angry and cry, he just forces it, kisses me forcefuly.

I don't let him go any further though. He even wakes me up at 3 am in the morning when I have been having difficulties sleeping and have to get up and get ready for work at 6.

When I do talk about this people say its me, its the pregnancy hormones. But is this how my baby daddy should be treating me? He says he finds me more sexy now, but is that an excuse for this kind of treatment? I think he would have been happier if I wasn't pregnant.

Please, please help as I am so depressed and dread going home coz I know same thing will happen and this is not good for my baby.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I have read some of the responses you have already received and can see that some people have had painful experiences that might mean their responses are a little extreme...
<br/>
<br/>As you can see from 'Cher', there is variation in women's interest in being sexual during pregnancy - some women love being sexual and others loose all interest. So loss of interest is quite normal for some! This can be due to hormonal changes, and also due to extreme tiredness or nausea.
<br/>
<br/>That said, what you describe sounds abusive, as does your reaction sound like you are feeling abused. That certainly is not what one would expect from a loving relationship!! You are in a complex situation - because you are feeling so angry at his lack of understanding (and I don't blame you for this), it makes it more difficult for you to possibly have much compassion for his position...That is, he still has sexual desire (apparently more intense given that he finds you sexier now that you are pregnant) and therefore may feel that his needs aren't important either.

Whilst you might not have sexual hunger or desire, do you think that you would still like to be close to him and possibly to be sexual with him from time to time in order to feel close to him?

Don't get me wrong here, another person is never 'entitled' to access the body of another, neither is it ideal for a partner to feel pressured to 'give their body' to be 'used' by a partner for fear of some other consequence.

However, a loving relationship does mean that BOTH partners consider and try to look after the needs of the other where possible.

Perhaps try to get some support from your health carers - clinic, doctors, whoever is attending to your health whilst you are pregnant.

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: tk | 2011/07/21

sweet dats a couple realy inlove gudluck with ur pregnancy

Reply to tk
Posted by: Depressed | 2011/07/18

Thank you so much for your responses. I showed them to hubby and took him to see a nurse who helped us when i first found out I was pregnant. She realy explained everything to him, why I am acting the way I do, all the changes I am going through and yes I am glowin g and Gorgious especially now that m preg (not fat and ugly as Anon 2 said), I m ust say I look amazing but still it doesnt give him the right to act like a pig. I must say he has been realy sweet after all this and gives me my space. All is well now and I couldnt have done it without your advice.Thank you so much

Reply to Depressed
Posted by: Opinion | 2011/07/13

I think he is abusing you. Where the hell does he get off thinking he has " rights"  ? It really annoys me when men behave like some sort of uncontrolable animal around their ladies. Jeez does he not get it ?? You are not interested ! He is not respecting you. If he is that shallow that he has to run off and indulge in porn etc, he is not worth having around. Show him these responses.

Reply to Opinion
Posted by: tk | 2011/07/13

Husbands needs my ass,u r going through a phase he should understand nd to show dat ur just nt trying to make excuses u printed out articles about this took him to ur doc to explain ths ag fok he should stop behaving like a horny teenager nd start supporting u ths feeling wont last 4 eva nd u will b bak to normal soon,ur man must gt his acts str8 b4 he causes u more harm nd leading u to nt ever want to be intimate again.cnt he relieve himself by masturbating its healthy it wont kill him

Reply to tk
Posted by: Anon 2 | 2011/07/12

You should be flattered, you are fat, your ankles are swolen, you look terrible and your husband thinks you are more sexy than ever! It is a compliment sweetheart, and you are snubbing the best compliment a man can pay his wife.

If you are depressed, tell your doctor and do something about it, because if you are feeling like this now already, wait till the baby is born and you are sleep deprived, because not only cant you sleep properly but you are up all night doing potty and pajama drill.

The baby drill by itself puts huge pressure on your marriage, if you have problems with sex as well, your relationship with your husband is going to be miserable and your baby will suffer and be difficult because of it, which is just going to add more pressure. It''s a vicious circle.

Get help now, dont leave it if you already feel depressed.
Dont deny your husband, because it will turn around and bite you. Guaranteed.

Reply to Anon 2
Posted by: Charles | 2011/07/12

Can i assist you CHER?

Reply to Charles
Posted by: Anon | 2011/07/12

Depressed, I understand, but, you are going to have to make an effort to meet your husbands needs, or you are going to end up losing him to pornography, internet chat sites, even going to look for it elsewhere, and unfortunately if he starts with that, the damage is going to be permanent. He will become adicted and not be able to stop.

I know you are uncomfortable, battling to sleep, probably in pain, but, you need to compromise and give in sometimes, just like your husband needs to compromise and leave you be sometimes too.

If you are not willing to sacrifice a little to keep your husband happy, be prepared to lose him, because that is the bottom line of what the outcome is going to be. Sorry if this sounds brutal, but, its the truth

Reply to Anon
Posted by: CHER | 2011/07/12

Hey lady

I wish i wasn't craving sex, i wish i was feeling like you.

Me and baby father have been separated since i was 4 months and now i am 7 months, and i wish i had someone to give it to me everyday. my sex drive is so high. OMG

Reply to CHER
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011/07/12

I have read some of the responses you have already received and can see that some people have had painful experiences that might mean their responses are a little extreme...
<br/>
<br/>As you can see from 'Cher', there is variation in women's interest in being sexual during pregnancy - some women love being sexual and others loose all interest. So loss of interest is quite normal for some! This can be due to hormonal changes, and also due to extreme tiredness or nausea.
<br/>
<br/>That said, what you describe sounds abusive, as does your reaction sound like you are feeling abused. That certainly is not what one would expect from a loving relationship!! You are in a complex situation - because you are feeling so angry at his lack of understanding (and I don't blame you for this), it makes it more difficult for you to possibly have much compassion for his position...That is, he still has sexual desire (apparently more intense given that he finds you sexier now that you are pregnant) and therefore may feel that his needs aren't important either.

Whilst you might not have sexual hunger or desire, do you think that you would still like to be close to him and possibly to be sexual with him from time to time in order to feel close to him?

Don't get me wrong here, another person is never 'entitled' to access the body of another, neither is it ideal for a partner to feel pressured to 'give their body' to be 'used' by a partner for fear of some other consequence.

However, a loving relationship does mean that BOTH partners consider and try to look after the needs of the other where possible.

Perhaps try to get some support from your health carers - clinic, doctors, whoever is attending to your health whilst you are pregnant.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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