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Question
Posted by: unattractive | 2010/04/16

is it me

im 28 yrs old, married, 2 1/2 years, huband is 29yrs old. no kids. we are both indian. thing is he is forever staring at other women be it tv, having dinner out, at the mall, even driving home. i asked him about it when we dated (3years), he says he he looks at their clothes, and im like ja right, why didnt you become a fashon designer then? and im sorry to even bring this in, but its mainly white ladies he ogles at. he really loves them, and its made me feel so damn insecure. i told him this, and he just got angry and irrtated about it, he never stopped it or even tried. what really hurts is that, we never make love. maybe once a month, but that isnt love, that is just him relieving himself. not love. and usually, he only does this (touches me), when he has seen a really hot chick ealier in the day. he hardly ever penetrates me with his penis, usually its just touching me. i dont know what its like to be touched like a woman. and it isnt like i am not attractive, because guys are always checking me out, i dont dress revealing, im conservative, but pretty, i know that - but not in his eyes. i just wish sometimes that he coud atleast look at me like he looks at them. sometimes i feel so ugly, i dont look in the mirror - well i try not to. its like im just the do-er in his life. he never says that i am pretty or i look nice today, or even just a hug. i dont know what that feels like. all i know is that im not white, im not hot, i am a fat ugly thing (he uses much more descriptive words on me). he says i look OK, there are prettier woman than me. but i thought (maybe this is a fantasy) a husband thinks that his wife is the most beautiful creature and partner that ever was, in his eyes at least. what is wrong with me that my husband wont even like to kiss me or hold me? am i that ugly? i am a good decent respectful wife, i know that.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

your best option would be to seek a marriage counsellor or sexologist. not only might is there a problem in your sex life but also in your relationship.

because he has dismissed your concerns numerous times, the only way that you will be heard is through a therapist. the therapist will indicate to your husband that your concerns are legitimate and that your relationship at the moment is unhealthy and will be able to provide relavant treatment / counselling

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rakesh | 2010/04/22

Unattractive hope i am not been foward here but here is my email addy is case you just need some to chat to (a friend).
ps794008 at gmail dot com

Reply to Rakesh
Posted by: unattractive | 2010/04/21

thanks you guys and dolls for all your words. it really has helped me make decisions in my life. as the expert advised - i am going to try couselling. atleast i tried. if it doesnt change, well then he doesnt really want me in his life, and i really jsut was the do-er. im sure, so damn sure, that maybe, there is someone out there that would like to hold my hand sometime &  maybe hug me.

Reply to unattractive
Posted by: Anony | 2010/04/21

Nonsense, i am a black female &  I think indian women are the most beautiful. they have these feautures that u just envy by kust looking at them. your husband is stupi sorry to say.

Reply to Anony
Posted by: Rakesh | 2010/04/20

Thanks Nunu, i wish that it was that simple to get out. There is a lot more that i cant disclose here.

Reply to Rakesh
Posted by: f | 2010/04/20

NONSENSE, this bastard has the decency to say he is looking at clothes, hell - i think you need to take charge and start talking with authority in the house, like dude - i have rights as a wife,

i have the rights to be made love to
to be cared and touched,
-|- ed everynow and then and this monthly installements are not enough ..

tell this bastard, you love him moss, if you love someone you tell them how you feel and how they react will tell you how much they love you and then MAKE A DECESION SEE EASY, and painfull but it beats bearing your head into the sand.

Reply to f
Posted by: Nunu | 2010/04/20

Hey " unattractive" . I''m sorry about your situation. U know sometimes the best thing you can do in such a situation, is take care of yourself and live as if your ungrateful partner does not exist. Focus your energies on yourself, love and pamper yourself and don''t look for his approval. It''s time for you to think about your happiness and put that first. Rakesh, your situation too sounds really bad, but i''m asking myself why you don''t get out of that toxic relationship, you don''t have to stay  afterall you''re not married to the woman.

Reply to Nunu
Posted by: Rakesh | 2010/04/19

Its my pleasure - wish there was more that i could do to assist you. Yep you have to be postive. I agree divorce should be your very last option. If you need a friend to chat to, just someone that you wnat to chat to at times - i am willing to be a friend.

Reply to Rakesh
Posted by: unattractive | 2010/04/19

thank you rakesh. your words are comforting - i will try the suggestions by the expert, and see how far it goes, i will be positive, and well if it doesnt work, atleast i can say that i tried.not much else to do is there?divorce is my last option, i hope it doesnt end up there.

Reply to unattractive
Posted by: Rakesh | 2010/04/19

One thing i forgot to mention, please dont put yourself dont and think that you are unattractive. From what you described i am sure that you are a really beautiful,sexy and intelligent women. If your husband cant apprecate you for that then thats his loss.

Reply to Rakesh
Posted by: Rakesh | 2010/04/19

Hey Unattractive - sorry to hear about your situation. I am an indian gent with a coloured girfriend. I have a similar issue like your self. She tells me that i am ugly (which i am not)and that she could have another me in a minute. Well i have to do my own cooking and the list goes on. Yep i do understand that it is totally demoralising hearing this almost everyday of your life. Sometimes i think that meeting her was the biggest mistake of my life. I am not being racist here being asn idian gent i do find indian women really attractive. Honestly there were times that i really fantasised about white women.

Reply to Rakesh
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/04/17

your best option would be to seek a marriage counsellor or sexologist. not only might is there a problem in your sex life but also in your relationship.

because he has dismissed your concerns numerous times, the only way that you will be heard is through a therapist. the therapist will indicate to your husband that your concerns are legitimate and that your relationship at the moment is unhealthy and will be able to provide relavant treatment / counselling

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: unattractive | 2010/04/16

thanks shane. it actually feels nice knowing that there is someone out there that might like you and think you look ok, evenmaybe give you a hug.

Reply to unattractive
Posted by: unattractive | 2010/04/16

Hi White male. I sometimes think along the same lines. if the opportunity arose for him to be with a white lady, he would. Im not turning this into a race issue - ive dated white guys myself, just i feel very insecure and really ugly. really really ugly. imagine sleeping next to someone you know doesnt want you they way you want them. its like im nothing. all im there for is to cook (cos i cook real nice). why is he so repulsed by me? and really, i was one of the popular girls in school, you know, pretty, intelligent - i still am, but im not good enough for him.

Reply to unattractive
Posted by: white male | 2010/04/16

it seems to me that it''s becoming a norm for indian men to look and dating white ladies.

i''m into indian girls or ladies but still shy maybe one of these days

i heard that indian men prefer that there ladies must be quite fair meaning lighter in colour and it came from indian guys stating this

sorry but i think he will and use the chance if he can get into a white lady, don''t want to dissapoint you but it''s the truth

Reply to white male
Posted by: white male | 2010/04/16

it seems to me that it''s becoming a norm for indian men to look and dating white ladies.

i''m into indian girls or ladies but still shy maybe one of these days

i heard that indian men prefer that there ladies must be quite fair meaning lighter in colour and it came from indian guys stating this

sorry but i think he will and use the chance if he can get into a white lady, don''t want to dissapoint you but it''s the truth

Reply to white male
Posted by: anna | 2010/04/16

hey hon dont worry.its not ur problem.people love each othe rnot coz they are beautiful.they love coz it just comes.we like people BECAUSE,but we love people ALTHOUGH...that is love.ur problem is that ur husband doesnt know how to love,i feeel pity for him,he never tasted it.all he wants is sex with white girls.its bad that in india parents choose for their children.its way too bad.can u just leave him? oh no.thats not a solution when u live in india.but u cat go on with a dog like him.dont try to be beautiful.just try to be happy.

Reply to anna
Posted by: shane | 2010/04/16

i love my coffee brown ! i will have u anytime...

Reply to shane

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