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Question
Posted by: Pat | 2012-11-29

is it love or control?

I’ m in my 30s she’ s in her late 20s and been dating for a year.
I’ m feeling anxious at times and ill say why or if im wrong id like that to be pointed out.
I feel like my gf is at times manipulating me. I don’ t see her everyday but do every weekend as we don’ t stay together. I stay alone and she with her family but in different towns.
Ok, so on a certain weekend id have some work to do at my parents house as they need my help on some things, I would tell her what im going to do and she would not like it and make me feel guilty about going to my family by saying I don’ t want to spend time with her and iv repeatedly asked her to come with me. She has been with me to my family but I can sense she doesn’ t like going to my family. Sometimes when I do go she will say, well im going to make other plans for me then for the weekend (isn’ t that childish and immature?)
Almost every weekend im there at her family and they like to party and drink and I don’ t complain but if I want to go visit my family or friends then its an issue with her. I would rather love it if she would rather support and help me, instead she breaks me down. At times she will say my family and friends are weird or f-up.
She criticizes my music hates it when im watching sports or any movie and if I like a certain movie she will almost always criticize me or the movie even my job, and says the place I stay is a dumb ext she apologizes later but still tends to throw a chirp here and then. I wont even say how jealous she is, to the extreme and always accuses me with any women iv contact with. Is she abusive cause im beginning to question my own insanity.
She has embarrassed me before in front of her friends, I felt so humiliated. We where at one of her friends, I knew no one there, she sat down turned her back on me socialized with her friends and ignored me the whole night. Eventually I wanted to go home cause it was getting late, she simply said go if you want to go, I left her there and felt so embarrassed and angry. The next morning she pleaded and begged so I thought to give it another go. But to my surprise she did it again but without the ignoring part just said leave, I don’ t need or want you anymore. Still together but im getting red flags and not sure if im right or wrong by her actions.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Many people are manipulative, often without realizing this. In the situation you describe its unreasonable for her to expect you to neglect your parents in roder to be with her, and also for her to insist that you visit her and never the other way around.
Do not acept her invitations to feel guilty. She's being selfish.
She sounds like a thoroughly self-centred, rude, inconsiderate, childish and unpleasant creature - why on earth would you choose to subject yourself to someone like her ? Who proclaimed her a national princess ? I hear nothing wrong on your side, but nothing except red flags on her side.
Manipulation requires 2 to play that game - a manipulator, and someone who accepts the role of manipulatee. Don't accept, and don't play. Drop her and move on, you deserve someone far, far better than this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Ray | 2012-11-30

You need to run bud! Get some good takkies!!!

Reply to Ray
Posted by: Pat | 2012-11-29

Thank you Cybershrink. I really appreciate your input.

Reply to Pat

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