Posted by: Raine | 2009-06-18

Is it fare to ask for a break?


I' m currently living with my boyfriend. I love him, but feel that I need space. I have freedom and can go out with friends etc without getting hasstles from him. I just feel a bit lost... lost in myself... in who I am and in not knowing exactly what I want and where I' m heading.

He has said before that he believes if someone asks for a break or something like that, then the relationship is over. I don' t want to lose him, but I can' t go on like this either. I have some issues I need to deal with and I feel like I' m not getting anywhere while we are living together. When we moved in together, everything felt right and it felt like the right thing to do. Is it fare of me to now ask for a break?

We will both need to move to a different place, as neither of us can afford where we live now on our own. So we' ll lose a very nice house, which is a lot cheaper also than others like it currently. So we' ll also lose that financial advantage. I really feel lost about what to do. Please help.

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like you see yourslf more as an individual, sharing living-space with someone you like, rather than as one of a couple in love. Wanting a break doesn't mean the relaionship is over, but may suggest tjhat you're not yet ready for a serious relationship.
Star's comments make a lot of sense. Why not sleep in separate rooms, and maybe even see a counsellor for a few sessions, to sort out who you are and what you want ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Star | 2009-06-18

This is what it would be like to be married, sometimes you just need to stick it out or get out. If you duck this easily now it means to me you cannot face reality. Have you talked??

Taking a break sometimes help, but you should also realise that he might not wait for you to make up your mind, and why should he. He is there now, you said you have a lovely place. Maybe move to another room until you have talked or sorted out what is really bothering you. Why did you move in with him in the first place?

You don' t mention how long you have been together, the age doesn' t really matter. If you want to do the grownup thing, handle it like a grownup. Hope you take all this as constructive critisism! I have been there and stuck it out, this year we will be married 10 years with two kids.

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