Posted by: Lex | 2009-10-12

is it ' normal' ?

shd I tell a female colleague I saw her fiance with his ex this weekend?

The wedding is this Sat. How do you tell someone 6 days before their wedding?

Shd I leave well enough alone? Do most men have last flings with an ex in the run up to the wedding?

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Our expert says:
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Most men don't have such flings. But are you sure it was a "fling" ? Was he perhaps, for instance, saying good bye and reminding her that their relaionship is over ? Would talking to him about it, first, be an option ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-10-12

My ex also wanted to meet with me a few days before he was to get married! We planned to have lunch but it never happened though.It was all innocent though because we were best of frineds and still on good terms.
He had suggested that we get more intimate though since it would be the last time we really were going to see each other. So all in all not all that innocent from him.
I declined as that is just wrong and had a bf.
I mean why would a guy want to have sex with his ex before he gets married
Needless to say they are now divorced with a 6mnth baby

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-10-12

Gosh thats a difficult one!
I wish you could tell her, she needs to know but consider how things will be after you tell her... she will confront him about it, it will come out that you were the one and he will do his best to keep you out of their lives, well unless she ends your friendship before that.
All in all it does not look good for you, so I' d say just leave it, it might have been innocent, cutting ties whatever but they are getting married so it' s beter to just leave it be.

If it was something more sinister then it will come out during their marriage.People like to see things with their own eyes, only then do they believe.

Or if you really want to get it off your chest and not feel guilty about not telling her then maybe just mention it cusually, like you didnt think much of it, asif it were a normal thing and she can make her own judgement regarding it.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Henrietta | 2009-10-12

If you are worried, speak to the Fiance himself - there could be a perfectly good explanation.

Don' t tell the wife-to-be if you don' t have full-on facts and are just suspicious - you don' t want to ruin this time for her without hardcode evidence.

Reply to Henrietta
Posted by: almost mad | 2009-10-12

I think if you tell her she might ' shoot the messenger'  if you know I mean. If you really want her to know, then contact her fiance and tell him to own up to your colleague or you will do it yourself. Or maybe just mention casually to her that you saw her fiance with his ex on the weekend.Before you say it thou it would be wise to maybe say, I dont mean to pry, but I saw your fiance .... If you just want to keep the peace then dont mention anything and just forget what you saw. Think about what you really want out of this. Is she a friend you want to protect? Would you risk losing a friendship by being hoenst? Are you real friend... I think a real friend would do something.

Reply to almost mad

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