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Question
Posted by: Wonder | 2010-01-22

Is intimacy over rated

Not a psychological question - just asking for peer opinions.

Am I over rating intimacy or is something wrong in my relationship? My bf has not been intimate with me for 4 weeks now - because he is busy studying. By intimacy I am not just talking about sex, he won' t even kiss me. On Monday I had to ask for a hug .... and he gave me one shoulder for 2 seconds. He is doing his MBA and he is studying ALL the time. It' s a lot of work I understand - but I am beginning to feel rejected or unwanted.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's not at all unucual for any person, maybe a bit more men, to be distracted and stressed by studies and examinations, such as to be temporarily uninterested in sex. DO recognize that he is not rejecting you, but he wisely recognizes that more single-mindedly focussing on his stuies and exams will benefit both of you before long.
BE more understanding. Presumably these exams won't last forever. Don't mess up what may otherwise be a promising relationship now.
And why is it that you are feeling HE must give you signs of affection at this highly stressful time for him - are you being afefctionate towards him ? Both physically - can't you just hug him ? And in other ways ? Its an aspect of intimacy and love to care for a partner under stress, and to help him deal with his exams bu being undemanding at this time, and do whatever might assist him in studying hard

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Ya | 2010-01-25

I wonder too..

Reply to Ya
Posted by: Wonder | 2010-01-22

Thanks everyone for the responses. I will try to be less demanding, but I wish he could meet me half-way at least.

I asked if I could visit him tonight and he can study while I watch TV, and then at least when he goes to sleep we can be close to each other - not sex, just sleep in the same bed and he refused. It does feel like rejection. And this is not exam time yet. I wonder how exam time will be like.

Reply to Wonder
Posted by: Sensitive Guy | 2010-01-22

No most assuredly not. Intimacy is a wonderful thing and absolutely essential in any normal relationship For me there is nothing nicer and thrilling to enfold someone special and feel their softness and enhale the delicate fragrance. Your B/F sounds like a bit of a cold fish type and I would be careful not to get too involved until you feel that you are with the right person. No amount of stress, MBA or not is an excuse for avoiding intimacy. If he is like that now, can you imagine what he will be like after a few years ? You must check him out carefully. Personally, I get the idea that you already suspect he is not right for you and you just need some confirmation. Think about it. As a loving type person who enjoys intimacy a person who rejects you like that is not your soul mate.

Reply to Sensitive Guy
Posted by: Paul | 2010-01-22

not normal, I think the need for intimacy is a built in one, I kinda find in times of stress the need for intimacy increases.

Good luck.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-22

It's not at all unucual for any person, maybe a bit more men, to be distracted and stressed by studies and examinations, such as to be temporarily uninterested in sex. DO recognize that he is not rejecting you, but he wisely recognizes that more single-mindedly focussing on his stuies and exams will benefit both of you before long.
BE more understanding. Presumably these exams won't last forever. Don't mess up what may otherwise be a promising relationship now.
And why is it that you are feeling HE must give you signs of affection at this highly stressful time for him - are you being afefctionate towards him ? Both physically - can't you just hug him ? And in other ways ? Its an aspect of intimacy and love to care for a partner under stress, and to help him deal with his exams bu being undemanding at this time, and do whatever might assist him in studying hard

Reply to cybershrink

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